“You’ve GOT to be kidding me!” This was what my client said when I told her she needed to start making herself a priority, or she was going to have a melt-down not unlike her child’s. “But I’m coming to you because my life is crazy. You know how strong-willed children can be, with tantrum after tantrum. There’s no time for me at the end of the day. Self-care. As if.”

   Ahhhh. What the heck is “self-care,” anyway? A made-up term by coaches and therapists to guilt people (read “moms”) into putting one more thing on their to-do lists? Well, we do better when we feel better (yeah, kids do too–but that’s another post). And taking care of yourself is part of that. But I get “pissy” when someone tells me I “need” to do something. Rebellious, even. My inner toddler bares her teeth, ready to lunge in full tantrum-mode at anyone who says I “need” to do one more thing. How am I supposed to meditate, work out at the gym, and go for a “girls night out” because I I must practice self-care?  And just when am I supposed to cook dinner or go to the PTA meeting or help my own strong-willed daughter through her  tantrum? I know what I should be doing, and I know what I can fit in realistically. No thank-you to any more things I have to do. Except for one thing. On those days when I’ve taken a few minutes to slow down, take a deep breath, and ask myself the question, “What do I need right now?” the answer is often deceptively simple.  “Drink some water,” or “Pet the cat”  are some examples. Just asking the question creates a space where I become willing to act in my own best interest.

   It’s not like drinking a glass of water while petting my cat Gabby changes my entire life. However, once I take a small step of kindness towards myself, I often find it leading to other small steps. And those small steps add up. It reminds me of how it is to start exercising when you’re out of shape. You don’t just start running 5 miles per day when you haven’t exercised in a while. And you don’t have to schedule a trip to the day spa when you’ve been so busy taking care of others’ needs you’ve forgotten what yours are. Just take a moment and ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” The answer might surprise you.