2009 December - Part 2

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…or is that just name of a holiday song? No matter what you’re you’re celebrating this month, there’s sure to be a lot going on. Here’s the equation that happens in homes across America: holiday preparations + high expectations + more to do than usual =stress, power struggles, and other “gifts” of the season!

Rather than be all “coachy” about it (in other words, speak in that impersonal voice of a coach), let me just be real and say that if there were ever going to be any melting down at our house this holiday season, it’d probably be me doing it. Right now, we have our own personal equation for stress going on: abnormally cold temps + freezing pipes + getting our house ready to sell (stripping wall paper and other “fun” stuff) + Christmas preparations + my husbands birthday = TOO MUCH TO DO = overwhelm. Today I wished I could just yank the covers over my head and go back to bed. And stay there. All day. However, given that the painter was scheduled to come and paint our master bedroom any minute, I knew that wasn’t an option (it wasn’t really anyway, but a mom can pretend, can’t she?).

I realized that a couple of things were going on for me that were making it harder during this busy time. First, I was looking at all the things that needed to be done without breaking them into manageable pieces. I’ll come clean here and say that my husband, who is a Project Manager at work, knows this about me and helps me to stop hyperventilating and start delegating. In order to delegate, I first have to see what smaller tasks underlie the large, humongous, “I-wanna-pull-the-cover-over-my-head” tasks. For example, instead of just freaking out about getting ready for our Open House real estate tour, my husband and I sat down and wrote down everything that needed to be done to be ready for it. At first, just seeing that big list made me want to run away. But as we began to group like items and then (my favorite part!) delegate them, I began to relax.

Take-Away For Other Busy Moms: Break large projects/tasks into smaller pieces and delegate when possible!

I also realized that I have the rather embarrassing tendency to want to snack mindlessly when I am overwhelmed. With all that’s happening right now, it’s fair to say I am snacking a lot. Overwhelmed with the fact that hubby’s birthday is in 12 days? Never fear! Bagels are here! Oh, don’t fret about the fact that you haven’t yet done your Christmas shopping! Remember how you just went to Trader Joe’s and bought hummus and brie and cookies? Sigh….of course these quick fixes are only telling half the truth. They are quick to temporarily pacify me (hmmmmm…the image of a pacifier just came to mind…ewwwwww), but they are certainly not “fixing” anything. Really, they are making things worse (or should I say “I” am making things worse). On top of my stress and overwhelm, I’ll now have to contend with extra pounds to lose. Oh, good. Another thing to add to my to-do list!

Take-Away For Other Busy Moms: Manage your stress and take good care of yourself in ways that truly nourish your spirit. If you’re really hungry and a snack will do it, great. Otherwise, what’s one small thing you can do to help yourself get back on-track? Is it as simple as staying hydrated (remember the simple things are often the most powerful!) or calling a good friend? Maybe for you sitting in front of the fire eating chocolate kisses would be soul-nourishing. Only you know!

The last thing I realized is that I tend to have rather grand expectations of myself all year long, but especially at this time of year. I want to enjoy my family. I want to support the moms I coach to the fullest extent possible. I also want to create great memories with my husband and children by participating in meaningful traditions (like making dough ornaments, decorating sugar cookies, and reading holiday books). Taken all together, this sounds like a recipe for stress and overwhelm, doesn’t it?

Take-Away For Other Busy Moms: Ask yourself what really matters to you. If you answer, “Doing holiday traditions with my kids,” ask yourself what feelings you are going for by doing this. For me, I want to feel connected, joyful and peaceful with them. Knowing this is key because if the actual activities don’t go as planned, I can still decide to remain connected, joyful and at peace. What’s your deeper “why”?

How about we create a new equation, one that empowers us to not only “get through” the holidays, but to enjoy them? Here’s my new equation: break big tasks into smaller pieces + take good care of yourself in small but powerful ways + keep your expectations in line with what really matters = a more peaceful holiday season.

What do YOU do to keep underwhelm and stress to a minimum during the holiday season? What’s your equation for serenity?

As a mother, do you look forward to the holiday season? Or does it induce visions of tantrumming children, pouting relatives, and an ever-growing to-do list? You’d be in good company if you felt both excited and stressed. No matter what holiday you celebrate, here are a few tips to keep you from wanting to throw in the towel and running away to the North Pole:

1. Keep your expectations in check, and get clear on what you want. What would a stress-free, guilt-free holiday look like for YOU? Never mind what your friends, neighbors, or even relatives want. If you were to have the holiday season unfold in a way that was just the way you want it, what would that look like? For me, it means minimal parties, lots of little traditions that don’t cost much (like reading holiday stories with my kids), enjoying the music of the season, and at least 20 minutes of alone time every day (Did you just snort with laughter at the thought of daily alone time ever happening? Hey, even ten minutes makes a difference, so at least try to sneak away to your bedroom for some peace and quiet!). For one of my friends, however, keeping stress at bay means being around lots of people; it’s how she gets energized. Even though she’s not big on traditions (they went to the beach in Mexico for the holidays one year), she loves to bake and deliver the goodies to people, volunteer at a shelter, and hold elaborate holiday dinner parties. Just thinking about her schedule makes me tired! The key is to be clear on what a stress-free holiday experience looks like to you. Once you know what you need to stay out of melt-down mode you can create holiday experiences that match who you are. If you feel guilty for focusing on what you need to avoid stress because it somehow seems selfish, remember that your kids need a calm mama with healthy boundaries more than any other holiday experience! If mama ain’t happy….
As a family, talk about what each person loves about the holidays and wants to be sure to include. See? You can let go of any guilt you’re feeling because you are now proactively thinking about your family members’ needs, as well as your own! At the beginning of the holiday season, ask each person what experiences they love most about the holidays. With young kids, you may have to ask the question a few different times, in a few different ways, to get beyond the answer, “Getting presents!” It can be helpful to write down everyone’s responses on a piece of paper (or better yet, poster board) so everyone’s input is taken into consideration. Note which family members are more introverted and like their downtime; they might be easily over-stimulated with too many parties. Also note whose answers seem like they crave being with others; they’ll need this outside stimulation to be their best. You might be surprised at how you can avoid melt-downs just by being clear on a)what holiday experiences each family member values most, and b)how much down-time each person needs to ward off stress.
Practice the power of gratitude and appreciation by keeping a gratitude list. There’s just nothing like taking stock of all the good that’s already present in your life to give you that much-needed energy to enjoy the holidays. For example, as I was driving to meet a client today, I started thinking about all the thank you cards and gifts I wanted to send to various people. Immediately, I felt overwhelmed. But then I had another thought: “How amazing that I have this ‘problem’ of sending out thank yous; it means I have awesome people in my life that have touched it in some way and I want to be sure to thank them.” All of a sudden, I saw myself as blessed. I was proud that I could turn the thought around and see the good in the situation. I’ll definintely be writing about this on my gratitude list tonight! By the way, I’m not disciplined enough to keep a “gratitude journal.” However, by calling it a “list” I take the pressure off myself to write a ton. This doesn’t have to be hard in order to be effective!

Really, one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your family is to focus on what really matters to you during this holiday season. Let go of activities or traditions that stress you out, and keep the ones that bring meaning and joy to your life. In the end, all we really have are our memories, so go create some peaceful, stress-free and guilt-free ones!

Archive for December, 2009

It’s The Most, Uh, Wonderful Time of the Year (3 Ideas To Manage Overwhelm)!

3 Simple Tips For A Stress-Free, Guilt-Free Holiday

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