It can be so overwhelming to be a mom. And not just any mom, but a mom of a strong-willed child, to boot. Here’s what comes to mind. Setting limits. Enforcing them. Remaining consistent (remaining? How about starting?). Being aware of temperamental traits so you can set your child up for as much success as possible. Managing temper tantrums and power struggles (your own and your child’s!). That’s not a complete list, but it’s enough! How do you know you’re on the right track in your parenting when there’s so much to think about?
One thing that can really help is to think of your interactions with your child in terms of an emotional bank account. Every day, you make deposits into and withdrawals fromthis account. You do this by how you parent. This morning, my daughter was moving slowly and I was worried that she’d be late for the bus. In a moment of impatience I blurted out loudly, “Why does it always have to go like this? Hurry up NOW!” Her sad face looked at mine and she said quietly, “I really am doing the best I can, you know.” And looking back, she was. I inadvertently made a withdrawal from her account. I knew that what I said wasn’t all that horrible–that moms everywhere have become impatient with their children in transition times like leaving for school, bedtime, etc. I also know is that my daughter is sensitive and persistent: a killer combination for her that adds up to hurt feelings and an unwillingness to move faster!
As soon as I saw how my reaction affected her, I acknowledged her feelings and gave her a hug. I also apologized for being so loud, thereby making a deposit right after my withdrawal. To me, that’s often how parenting is. Up and down. Deposit and withdrawal. What matters most is my relationship with my daughter. At the end of the day, amidst all of my imperfections, I want to err on the side of deposits.
