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What To Do When People Don’t Think You’re Awesome

Posted by: Karen | Comments (10)

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Handling Criticism – It’s not about you!

(Note: I’m jazzed that my colleague, Jo Della Penna, is guest blogging here at the GFM. I’m also

jazzed that her advice applies just as much to people criticizing your parenting as it does to your

business. Okay–one more thing I’m jazzed about—she references one of my all-time favorite

books!

-Karen

Handling Criticisim: It’s Not About You!

by Jo Della Penna

Receiving testimonials are wonderful, aren’t they? Someone

takes the time to praise you in writing so others will know how great

it is to work with you. I love getting testimonials! Not only is it a great

stroke to my ego, I shamelessly admit, but it is also a validation that I

continue to add value to my clients and positively impacting their lives.

However, the same is not true when we receive a complaint, right?

Hopefully this is something that occurs very rarely!How do you respond? How

do you handle criticism? A woman approached me after I spoke at a women’s

breakfast recently and asked me how she should respond to a negative letter

she had received. After a brief discussion, it was clear the person writing the

letter was not going to be pleased from the start. First, she complained about

the fees—after the services began. She continuously grumbled at every turn. And

then, she refused to pay part of the bill for added services.

Has something similar ever happen to you? How would you respond?

I shared with her the fact that you cannot have really, really good without

having really, really bad. It is what is referred to as The Law of Polarity.

Everything has its opposite. Up has down, in has out, big has small, etc.

So, you cannot have someone saying great things about you without

someone saying something bad. It is part of growing and evolving.

Miguel don Ruiz mentioned is his book, The Four Agreements, people do

not say or do things TO you, they say or do things FOR them.

That means that when someone praises or criticizes you, don’t take it

personally. It is not about you, it is about them—what they feel or think.

The only thing you are responsible for is to always do your best with what

you have and do what you are meant to do. How others react to what you

give is not in your control.

So, as you continue to go about your business and serving with your gifts

and talents, know that receiving criticism is part of the course.

Stay focused on the value you provide, do the best you can and pay more

attention to the praises than the criticism. It is not about you, so don’t take

it personally!

Award-Winning Entrepreneur, Coach, National Speaker and Author, Jo Della Penna publishes The

Business of You E-Zine with over 1,500+ subscribers. If you’re ready to jump-start your

business, make more money, and have more joy and excitement in your life, get your

FREE tips now at www.TheBusinessofYou.com.

Categories : Invite Yourself To A New Vision

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Five Things I Won’t Be Doing in The New Year

Posted by: Karen | Comments (6)

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

picresized_1262262027_newyearcalpage While I can get as excited as anyone about all the wild, wonderful possibilities that exist within the expanse of a New Year, I also don’t want to jump right into the positive goals/resolutions thing that seems to be everywhere right now. Oh, I’ll be jumping on that bandwagon soon, but right now, I really need to be brutally honest with myself about what I WON’T be doing. What I’ve learned about myself is that I need to get really clear when I first figure out what isn’t working for me and layin’ it out there. THEN I am ready to “go there” about what I DO want. So here goes:

I won’t be dieting. Let me be clear that I want to lose weight and feel healthy and energetic. BUT…I won’t be doing anything that focuses on calorie restriction or making certain foods “bad” (this is hard for me because I have strong feelings about organic, vegan foods). I’ve been down that road, and found it to be a dead-end that has no new scenery (and it doesn’t take me anywhere no matter how many times I’ve been down it–and I HAVE been down it). So what will I do instead? Not entirely sure. But I do know that it will have something to do with intuitive eating and moving my body more.
I won’t be clamoring to “get organized” in ways that my born-organized friends do. I can learn from them and incorporate pieces of what they do. But seriously. I’ve got to start honoring my (piling) style. No, I don’t want to keep the piles. But the reason I pile is that I’m visual. So I want to honor that. My born organized friends can file things away and then find them. Me, not so much. So while I don’t know exactly what I’ll be doing to get organized, I DO know I won’t be doing what I think I “should” be doing. Make sense? Organized, for me, may look different than what I or others think it “should” look like. This is actually true for me about parenting, and, well, life in general. No more imitating and praying for the same results as someone else. I don’t want to divulge how many organizing books I have on my shelves!
I won’t be perfecting my “persona” at the expense of being authentic. Building an online business, it’s too easy for me to hide behind my brand “The Guilt Free Mom” and speak only from the expert, professional standpoint. In the past, the tone of my newsletters and e-mails has been rather impersonal and distanced. I still believe in being relevant to my readers and clients–I just want to do so with more transparency and intimacy. In short, I want to connect, but in a more intimate way.
I won’t be giving up coffee. I love the stuff. My two cups of day may go down to one, but that’s it. One of the nutritional gurus I adore, Dr. Joel Fuhrman, makes a compelling case for not needing stimulants to start the day, or get through it. I so agree with him on that point (and everything else he espouses). But here’s the deal. I already have a love/hate affair with sugar and with eating while stressed. I’m willing to address those issues, but for the time being, the coffee stays. For now.
I won’t be aspiring to be the perfect mom. One of my strengths and downfalls is that I am an idealist. This is great when it comes to coaching moms and helping them see the best in themselves. However, it’s not so great when it comes to idealizing what I should be doing as a mother (there’s that “should” word again). Yeah, I know the merits of chore charts (I should–I’ve started and stopped several of them), of organic, whole food for my children (no Cheez-Its for dinner?!), of limiting juice drinks (empty calories), of setting them up for a healthy adulthood and setting me up for a guilt-free old age. But even though I’ve tended to get excited by the idea of being this intentional, near- perfect mom (I can so see her in my head!), I also get 1) overwhelmed and 2) stuck in guilt and perfectionism. So this year, I won’t even aspire towards being The Perfect Mom. In her place will be….me. Of course, I won’t let the kids eat nothing but junk food and do whatever they want–but I’m not going to start the year beating myself up about an ideal that I’ll never reach.

So there they are. My declarations of “I won’ts.” The coach in me is clamoring to ask myself, “Okay, now we know what you don’t want. So, what do you want?” But for now, I’m going to let myself bask in the clarity of what I don’t want and what I won’t do.

Because it feels like self-acceptance.

And that’s a good place to start for 2010, or anytime.

Categories : Invite Yourself To A New Vision

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3 Simple Tips For A Stress-Free, Guilt-Free Holiday

Posted by: Karen | Comments (0)

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

As a mother, do you look forward to the holiday season? Or does it induce visions of tantrumming children, pouting relatives, and an ever-growing to-do list? You’d be in good company if you felt both excited and stressed. No matter what holiday you celebrate, here are a few tips to keep you from wanting to throw in the towel and running away to the North Pole:

1. Keep your expectations in check, and get clear on what you want. What would a stress-free, guilt-free holiday look like for YOU? Never mind what your friends, neighbors, or even relatives want. If you were to have the holiday season unfold in a way that was just the way you want it, what would that look like? For me, it means minimal parties, lots of little traditions that don’t cost much (like reading holiday stories with my kids), enjoying the music of the season, and at least 20 minutes of alone time every day (Did you just snort with laughter at the thought of daily alone time ever happening? Hey, even ten minutes makes a difference, so at least try to sneak away to your bedroom for some peace and quiet!). For one of my friends, however, keeping stress at bay means being around lots of people; it’s how she gets energized. Even though she’s not big on traditions (they went to the beach in Mexico for the holidays one year), she loves to bake and deliver the goodies to people, volunteer at a shelter, and hold elaborate holiday dinner parties. Just thinking about her schedule makes me tired! The key is to be clear on what a stress-free holiday experience looks like to you. Once you know what you need to stay out of melt-down mode you can create holiday experiences that match who you are. If you feel guilty for focusing on what you need to avoid stress because it somehow seems selfish, remember that your kids need a calm mama with healthy boundaries more than any other holiday experience! If mama ain’t happy….
As a family, talk about what each person loves about the holidays and wants to be sure to include. See? You can let go of any guilt you’re feeling because you are now proactively thinking about your family members’ needs, as well as your own! At the beginning of the holiday season, ask each person what experiences they love most about the holidays. With young kids, you may have to ask the question a few different times, in a few different ways, to get beyond the answer, “Getting presents!” It can be helpful to write down everyone’s responses on a piece of paper (or better yet, poster board) so everyone’s input is taken into consideration. Note which family members are more introverted and like their downtime; they might be easily over-stimulated with too many parties. Also note whose answers seem like they crave being with others; they’ll need this outside stimulation to be their best. You might be surprised at how you can avoid melt-downs just by being clear on a)what holiday experiences each family member values most, and b)how much down-time each person needs to ward off stress.
Practice the power of gratitude and appreciation by keeping a gratitude list. There’s just nothing like taking stock of all the good that’s already present in your life to give you that much-needed energy to enjoy the holidays. For example, as I was driving to meet a client today, I started thinking about all the thank you cards and gifts I wanted to send to various people. Immediately, I felt overwhelmed. But then I had another thought: “How amazing that I have this ‘problem’ of sending out thank yous; it means I have awesome people in my life that have touched it in some way and I want to be sure to thank them.” All of a sudden, I saw myself as blessed. I was proud that I could turn the thought around and see the good in the situation. I’ll definintely be writing about this on my gratitude list tonight! By the way, I’m not disciplined enough to keep a “gratitude journal.” However, by calling it a “list” I take the pressure off myself to write a ton. This doesn’t have to be hard in order to be effective!

Really, one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your family is to focus on what really matters to you during this holiday season. Let go of activities or traditions that stress you out, and keep the ones that bring meaning and joy to your life. In the end, all we really have are our memories, so go create some peaceful, stress-free and guilt-free ones!

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Archive for Invite Yourself To A New Vision

What To Do When People Don’t Think You’re Awesome

Five Things I Won’t Be Doing in The New Year

3 Simple Tips For A Stress-Free, Guilt-Free Holiday

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