Somewhere there is a mom shaking her head and lamenting to her child, “How many times have I told you to…..?”  

• Make sure you have your child’s full attention. If you’re in another part of the house, go to where your child is or have her come to you. Then, make eye contact.
• Put a period on the end of your sentence rather than a question mark.  If your child is strongwilled or “spirited” he may find the implied loophole in the question, “Would you set the table for me?” Instead of asking a question, make an assertive statement such as, “Now it’s time to set the table.”
• Make sure your voice is assertive. You can sound like you mean it without being too intense. This can be hard, though, when you are used to your child pushing the boundaries and not complying with requests.  However, an assertive tone of voice conveys to your child that you are calmly, capably in control of your emotions. This helps them to feel safe AND it ups the odds that they’ll comply because (in my humble opinion!) kids are looking to you to be confidently in  charge. Even though they don’t say, “Gee, mom..thanks for staying calm and in control of your emotions and being so clear with me. I really appreciate it because, developmentally, it helps me feel safe,” they still need you to be calmly assertive.
• Make sure you are asking something of your child that he/she can do. Don’t laugh, but as a new mom I once asked my two year old to put all her toys away! There were a TON of toys everywhere, not just one or two (she was a first child, you know, so had lots of toys), and I actually said to her, “Katie, can you put all your toys in your room for mommy?” She promptly put two away and was “finished,” which for a two year old meant she stopped putting toys away and tantrummed when I insisted she finish. Of course, I accidentally instigated this issue because I had unrealistic expectations of what a two year old could reasonably do.
• After you make the request, pause. It’s important to give your child time to comply. I’m not talking a full minute, but at least 10-15 seconds is good. This lets your request “sink in,” which for distractible kids could be helpful.
• Guide your child to comply. The younger the child, the more this works well. If you’ve told your four year old that it’s time to put toys away and after 10-15 seconds she isn’t yet doing it, go over to where she is and stay with her until she complies. I’m not talking about getting into a power struggle about it by arguing, cajoling or yelling. Rather, I’m talking about being a firm presence.  Restate your expectations and stay right with them. If your child is older and refuses to comply, stay calm (which can be challenging when you feel your authority has been threatened) and use consequences to do the teaching.
• Remember to provide positive feedback when your child DOES do what you say, especially the first time you ask. Kids get “energized” by our attention, so why not give it when all is going well? Specific, relevant feedback helps grow the very behavior you want to see more of (“Katie, I just asked you to clear the table and even though I could tell you didn’t want to, you still did it right away. Way to go for showing responsibility!”). Even though you may feel as though your child should just do what’s expected without any positive feedback, experiment with noticing him when he DOES comply.
• Remember that we ALL make mistakes. Some kids truly ARE harder to parent than others, and their behavior can be more challenging. Such challenging behavior doesn’t lend itself to our wanting to give them warm fuzzies for doing what they’re already supposed to do. But they are the ones who need it the most.

Warning: This post contains extreme sarcasm. Do not read if you would be shocked that someone who professes to being a professional parent coach and champion supporter of moms everywhere (not to mention a great maker of tender, flaky pie crust) would be so bold as to publish such a snarky post. Read at your own risk!

It’s summer time, and the livin’ is easy! Really!  With three long months stretched out before you, you, too, can have a guilt-filled summer with your kids! All you have to do is follow these easy steps. Ready?

1. Don’t plan on any time alone this summer. Whatever you do, don’t pay for babysitting, trade with friends or relatives or do whatecver you can to get regular downtime. We wouldn’t want you to have a break where you can think your own thoughts without having to hear sibling squabbles or make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. This is such an important step for having a summer full of mom guilt that it’s the number one tip–so pay attention! No matter what, do NOT get any time alone on a regular basis. Follow this recommendation and you’ll be snapping at the kids (and counting down the days till  school starts) in no time!
2. Don’t expect your kids to contribute to the household in any way, shape or form. That way, you can be stretched to the max, and they can grow up to feel entitled to have others do everything for them. Besides,  by NOT expecting your kids to help you, you’ll have less time for yourself (you know how temptations are; better to avoid them at all costs!).  An additional benefit is that when your kids are older and married, you can feel even MORE guilt that they expect others to pick up their dirty underwear and put their dirty dishes away. Their sp0uses can roll their eyes at you and curse you for not having raised people who are responsible.  Bonus!
3. Don’t have any structure or schedule at all. It’s summer! Throw any semblance of a schedule out the window! Let the kids sleep till whenever. But not you–you need to set the alarm to have a hot breakfast on the table before your darlings even flutter their eyelids open. And by “hot breakfast” I’m NOT talking about toasted poptarts ! If you need ideas for delicious, nutritious, homemade breakfasts, Martha Stewart has plenty. And no fair cheating. If you make french toast , you need to make sure you make if from bread you’ve made yourself. If you’re going to cheat, use store-bought eggs, rather than ones from your hens.
4. Don’t monitor screen use. At all.  They want to use the Wii all day? Let ‘em! Texting during dinner? Sure! Playing video games for hours on end? Why not?! TV and computers were made to be used all day, every day, all summer long. Just because you were stuck with an Etch-A-Sketch (oops–you’re probably not as old as I am and don’t even know what one of those is!),  don’t thwart your children’s desire to stay plugged in.  Really, I don’t have to tell you this, do I? The more your kids aren’t using their imaginations, playing outdoors, interacting with people in an actual 3-D reality, the less impulsive they’ll be and the better they’ll be able to regulate their behavior. That doesn’t sound like something that would contribute to mom guilt, now does it? Just don’t use their screen time as alone time for you, what EVER you do!
5. Don’t plan ahead to what kind of summer you and your family would like to have.  Definitely don’t sit down and ask each person what they’d like to do for fun this summer. If you slip and do this, you’ll be opening a can of worms, trust me. Your kids will probably say things like “go to Disneyland” and “buy me any toy I want.”  No, far better to just let each day unfold however it does. That way, the summer will end and you can all look back and say, “Glad THAT’S over.” Make your mottoe, “Just Get Through It.” Survival, baby. No thriving here.  No use having your kids make some good memories of playing outside, going swimming, participating in the summer reading challenge at the library or learning how to cook. Also, we wouldn’t want YOU to plan ahead to what would help YOU enjoy summer, now would we? Being proactive and feeling mom guilt don’t go together very well. Remember that.

So, are you ready to take the plunge into a guilt-filled summer? I realize that these five tips are pretty overwhelming and require a lot of energy from you, but anything worth doing is worth doing well! If you find yourself struggling to implement all of them, at the very least do tip #1: don’t plan on any alone time this summer. This is the single most important thing you can do to ensure that you are filled with guilt.

Happy (guilt-filled) summer!

It wasn’t pretty.

In fact, it was downright ugly.

I’m talking about my tantrum. I had a mommy melt-down. I was tired, cranky, overwhelmed. Did I mention stressed? My reasons were many, and overall, I was just on overload. I had too many things I needed AND wanted to do, and not enough time to do them. And I wanted to do them without any interruptions. Without my kids arguing. Without the dogs needing to be let out every 5 minutes. Without anyone needing anything from me. Was this realistic? Of course not. I’m just venting here, keepin’ it real.  In case you’re wondering, I did get up early, before my children, and was pretty productive. I even got a lot done while they were at school. But, on that day, there were just too many things vying for my attention, so I snapped. 

Instead of asking for what I needed, which was to sequester myself away in my office with my laptop and have my husband be the go-to person for awhile, I ranted. I complained. I said things to my children that were probably guilt-inducing and snide, like, “What about ‘I am finishing this blog post and will be with you in ten minutes’ do you not understand?” and “I can’t do this anymore!”

My lack of self-control scared my kids, as evidenced by my youngest saying, “You’re scaring me, mom. Maybe you need a time-out.” I was scaring myself. It’s not that I thought I was “The World’s Worst Mother” by what I’d just said and done. No, I’ve done far worse than that. It was just that I knew that the pressure was building inside me and that, if left unchecked, I would do worse. What, I don’t know. I don’t spank, and I’m not even a yeller. But my girls are sensitive (oh, ok–so am I), AND I’m a big believer that guilt-trips for kids are a form of emotional abuse. And I didn’t want my tantrum to go any further.

So I did what my daughter suggested and took a time-out. As I lay on my bed, hyperventilating from stress and frustration, I thought about what absolutely needed to get done tonight, and what could wait. I thought about whether my kids had experienced me as fully being present since they had gotten home from school. Nope, they hadn’t. I could see how they were trying to get my energy and relationship by arguing and wanting me to intervene. I also thought about whether or not I had set clear boundaries with my husband and children about when I need to work uninterrupted to build my coaching business. Nope, hadn’t been assertive and clear about that, either. Hmmmm. I noticed that I was starting to breathe more deeply and slowly, and was starting to feel better. Nothing had changed except my overall perspective of the situation.  I let myself stay on the bed for another five minutes, relaxing.  Then I rentered my family’s world.

At first, my children looked at me warily, as though I were a fragile soul who might shatter at any moment (a mere 20 minutes ago that was true!), so I sat down and told them what was up. “I’m afraid that adults can have temper tantrums, too,” I explained. “We know,” they both remarked. Continuing on, I said, “I felt angry and frustrated that I had a lot of things to do and couldn’t finish them. Next time that happens I’ll take a deep breath and take a break. I will come back calmer and will probably ask for what I want. Let’s try it.” I took another deep breath (just like the ones I took on the bed upstairs), let it out slowly, and glanced at my girls. No longer eyeing me suspiciously, they seemed calmer too. “Okay, here’s what I’d like. I’d like to give you both some of my time where I am just focusing on and enjoying you. AND, I’d also like to work for 30 more minutes without interruptions so I can get my work done. Do you want mom time now or after I work?” In unison they replied, “Afterwards, because you’ll feel better then.” So we shook hands, and made a deal.

I mangaged to finish what I was doing in 20 minutes, without interruptions, because I had been clear on my needs. My children are not angels. They didn’t magically do what I asked simply because I had been clear on my needs. We’ve proactively set some things in motion like how to entertain yourself when you’re bored, what to do when mom leads a teleseminar and can’t be interrupted, etc. But the big learning for me around all of this was that my melt-down had to do with my emotions, needs, and  expectations being out of sync. To stop my melt-down in its tracks, I needed to (ironically–since interruptions are what sort of prompted the melt-down in the first place), interrupt my behavior by taking a time-out. By giving myself space to feel my feelings, honor them, and then ask myself what I needed in that moment, I was able to press a big ol’ RESET button in my brain and, essentially, have a do-over.

While I’m not proud of my behavior that day, the modeling that I did afterwards for my children IS something I feel good about. Their tantrums and my tantrums aren’t all that different. By helping myself regain control, I felt better and my kids felt safer. They also learned how to regain control of their behavior, too.

Nobody’s perfect, so it’s not realistic to think that I won’t ever yell or lose my temper or say something I regret. But as for stopping mommy melt-downs in their tracks, well, I think I have some pretty effective tools in my took kit.

What are YOUR tools?

“C’mon, Mom—let’s GO! I want to GO somewhere!”

My other daughter, who’s ten, would rather curl up with a good book and a cat. When she was a baby, she would rather play with her toys rather than with people.  Extended eye contact with her overstimulated her. Now that she’s older, she’s learned that spending time alone helps decrease her stress (except when her extroverted sister is banging on the door screaming, “You never want to play with me! Come out NOW!”).

And their mama? Well, I am an introvert. When push comes to shove, I need time alone to refuel. So does my husband. So what do we do when there are three of us who need to lay low in order to feel better and we are living with a person who thrives on being with others? Managing this isn’t is difficult as it sounds. I’ve found the following steps to be helpful for both introverted and extroverted family members:

1. Be aware of whether you tend towards introversion or extroversion, and also become aware of your children’s tendencies. Even though it’s geared toward younger children,  this site will give you a great idea of how your child leans. 
2. For kids that are verbal, sit down and talk with them about how everybody has a “gas tank” just like the car. Just like the car, everybody needs to put in more gas in order to play, work, have fun, etc. Also explain that some people do this alone, while others need to be around people, and that both ways are great. Ask them what they they think they need, as well as to make guesses about the rest of the family members. If you have toddlers or very young preschoolers that aren’t yet able to talk about this, then you can jumpstart the process by helping them recharge before they melt down.
3. After you’ve had a short general discussion about how everyone in the family “fills up,” come up with a brief list of these ways. Ask questions such as, “What’s one thing each day that you can do to meet your need for being with others?” or “Since you need some time alone each day, how can you make that happen?” Given that it’s not always possible for kids to get out of the house the moment they feel the need to be with others, come up with other options like calling  and e-mailing friends, etc.  Perhaps have a standing weekly playdate with a few pals for your extroverted child will give them something to look forward to. For your introverted child, it might be helpful to plan on a daily “siesta” time where it is totally cool to have time alone, no questions asked.
4.  Empower your kids to understand how they’re wired, as well as how everyone else in the family is, so it will be easier for them to learn to meet their own needs BEFORE there’s a problem. They’ll also learn to respect others’ needs. Knowledge is power, and I’d also add that so is planning ahead.
5. Be the leader by going first. As the mom, it’s powerful for your kids to hear you say, “I can tell I’m getting tired and cranky and need to spend some time with my friends tonight. I think I’ll meet them for dinner. This is how I get my energy back .” Of course, this isn’t about guilt-tripping your kids into believing that they are the cause of your energy depletion (even though it may feel that way, at times!). Rather, it’s valuing yourself enough to take the time to do what refuels you so you can be more effective. Kids do what we do–so you’ll be doing EVERYONE a favor by modeling this and keeping yourself refueled. One of the best ways I know to have a great summer is to have each family member “refuel” in ways that work for them. That way, the only melt-downs you’ll have will be popcicles and ice cream bars!

As promised, I’m back with the next post in the “How To Thrive (Not Just Survive) Summer” series.

After you’re clear on what you’d like your summer to be like, it’s time to think about how you recharge your batteries.  Are you an introvert? If so, you’ll need to plan on down time for a few minutes each day, without others around. Easier said than done, you say? Perhaps, but if you are willing to make it happen, I can help you with that. First, you absolutely have to know how to fill yourself back up when you’re on empty. Introverted moms cane easily become overwhelmed by being with their kids all day. It’s not that they don’t love them and want to be around them. It’s that their gas tank gets refilled by being alone.

If you a mom who’s extroverted, you get your gas tank filled up by being around others; interacting with other people energizes you. This doesn’t mean you don’t need time away from others (including your kids). It just means that, since you recharge being with people, it’s not quite as draining for you to be with your kids. It’s still important for you to be around adults, and not just kids. Of course, it’s a rare mom who’s purely one or the other. The important thing is just to ask yourself how you fill back up when you’re on empty. The long days of summer are prime blocks of time for you to use lots of energy with your kids. It’s essential to know how YOU get your energy back.

If you’re not sure how you refuel, check out my podcast with Janet Penley. We talked quite a bit about how introverts and extroverts refuel and take care of themselves. Janet’s book, MotherStyles, is also a fabulous resource for using personality style to capitalize on your mothering strengths.

Guilt Free Mom Coaching Action: Think back to what you’ve done to successfully take care of yourself. Was it alone or with others? Was it a little bit of both?  Once you’re clear on that, commit to spending at least ten minutes each day refueling in a way that really works for your personality type. The little things really matter here, so don’t discount actions like waking up a few minutes earlier than your kids so you can sip coffee slowly and wake up peacefully. Maybe you’ll need to plan “mom time outs” and plan time in your room for a few minutes here and there. Or perhaps you’ll invite other moms over for conversation with adults. This step is the foundational piece because once you commit to refueling yourself daily, if even for a few minutes, you’re in a much better mental place to implement the other tips to come. If you’re stressed, it won’t matter what tips you try; they won’t work until you’re in a good place. So take good care of yourself!

Welcome to a series of blog posts that will be dealing with a topic that strikes fear into the hearts of mothers everywhere:  how you as a mom can set up the summer so that your sanity is intact, you actually enjoy your children, and you even make some good memories together.

A willingness to rethink what summer means to you and your family.

In fact, let’s start with willingness, shall we? When you think of spending the summer with your kids, what comes to mind? Do you dread the lack of down-time you’ll have now that school’s out? Or do you wonder how many days (hours?) it will take before your kids whine, “Moooom, I’m bored!”  Maybe you actually look forward to watching (even joining!) your kids in the sprinkler, or enjoying popsicles.

The first step to creating a great summer is to get clear on where you’re at with it.  I’ve got tons of tips for you on how to make this summer a memorable one (and I mean that in a good way!), one that you’ll actually be sad to have end. But first, you gotta know where you’re starting from so you can chart your path.

Guilt-Free Mom Coaching Action:  Check in with yourself on how you’re feeling about having your kids out of school and home for the summer. Be honest. What’s your worst fear? What’s your biggest hope?

Then, check back in two days for the first of many “How To Thrive (Not Just Survive) This Summer” tips.

P.S. I admit to feeling mixed. My girls, ages 7 and 10, are delightful (most of the time). They are fairly self-sufficient at this age, which makes life easier. That said, I’m always a little nervous about how to fit in “me time” when we’re all together 24/7. And when I work from home. Overall, I’m looking forward to creating memories. But ask me how I’m feeling in mid July!

While the idea of temperament has been around for a long time, it hasn’t always been used to identify children’s strengths. In fact, most experts focus on what’s wrong with the child. Not so with this book.

Instead, the author helps parents  identify their child’s specific traits and temperament so they can devise a plan to help their child succeed. Rather than just saying to parents, “Your child is strong-willed, so just do X, Y, And Z,”  Probst helps parents to tease out the traits inherent in a label such as ”strong willed” and then make changes in their thinking, speaking, and environment that play to their child’s strengths, and help them learn to manage the areas in which they struggle. What is particularly powerful about this book is that it’s approach is not “pollyanna.” The author doesn’t pretend that many children have issues with ADHD, conduct disorder, etc. Instead, she chooses to view the child as a whole human being, and looks at both what comes easily and what doesn’t for him/her. It’s a balanced approach that leaves the parents with concrete tips and suggestions for different traits, and helps parents have more energy and hope to parent well.

 I interviewed the author, Barbara Probst, and what really came through in the interview was her intense committment to helping parents look beyond labels so that they could see their child with new eyes. This new way of seeing opens up a large, untapped area of support for parents. Listen to the interview here, and be sure to share your comments!

A child who is more internal in how she interacts with the world is introverted, or self-energizing. In order to stay in balance, she’ll need to step back, spend time alone, and recharge by being alone. This isn’t the same thing as having poor social skills and not knowing how to be with others. Rather, it’s about how they recharge their batteries so they can interact with others without being depleted. Kids who are introverted tend to:

• handle stress by going off alone and thinking/brooding about it, daydreaming, etc.
• come home from school and immediately need a break before talking or sharing about the day
• actually do need to be drawn out about their day
• have a rich, inner world and often can seem to be “in their own world” of  ideas and fantasies
• keep thoughts and emotions to themselves

A child who is more external in how she interacts with the world is considered extroverted, or world-energizing. She will get her energy by interacting with others and not wanting to be alone. Kids who are extroverted tend to:

• want to be actively engaged with others
• externalize thoughts and feelings–no wondering how they feel most of the time!
• eagerly embrace new situations
• be willing to talk to strangers
• get loud and silly at times

You can think of introversion and extroversion along a continuum. Some kids are more “introverted” (and further along the continuum) than others. Still others are closer on the continuum to the middle.  The key really is knowing what helps your child recharge his or her batteries. Many a parent has seen a child “melt down” when what their child really needed was time to recharge. Knowing this piece of information about your child is powerful; we all need to recharge our batteries or refuel, and kids need our help in learning how to do it. Self-care starts early!

Are you old enough to remember the “Just Say NO” campaign from the Reagan era?

 In the spirit of helping you to take action that will make your job as a parent easier, I am going to point out three parenting behaviors that, if you stop doing them, you will get better results. So, here are my three enemies of successfully parenting parenting your difficult child:

1. Enemy #1: Believing that all you need is the perfect consequence and your child will behave better. Hey, it’d be nice if this one were true, but it’s not. And believing it is can cause you a lot of grief. Most of the time, “consequences” equate with “punishment”  (at least in many people’s minds). The idea that if you make your child’s life so miserable when he acts up that he won’t want to do it again just ain’t true. Your child may learn to fear you or be more deviant and sneaky about how he pushes your buttons. But he will NOT learn to behave appropriately with just the perfect consequence. Don’t get me wrong. Consequences are a necessary part of  teaching your child right from wrong. But they are one tool in your tool kit: not the only one, and and not the one you start with.

2. Living In The Past. Otherwise known as being so frustrated, angry and otherwise unhappy with your child that you can’t or won’t move on. It’s also about seeing your child through his past mistakes. Parenting isn’t for sissies, and parenting a difficult child can be extremely, well, difficult. The more intense, deviant, frustrating and over-the-top your child’s behavior has been in the past, the easier it is to hold onto your anger and frustration about it. Unfortunately, this keeps you stuck in responding in ways that don’t work. Like yelling. Or nagging. Or reminding. Or being impatient with the smallest misbehavior. All we have is the present moment. Seize it and be willing to notice what’s working well in that moment. You and your child deserve several “do-overs” throughout the day, moment by moment.

3.  Not Taking A Warrior-Like Stand in Parenting Your Child. This means staying committed to your role in bringing out the best in your child, even when you mostly see her worst. Even when you feel like other parents are watching you mess up. Even when you love your child but don’t like her. This warrior stand isn’t about tolerating bad behavior. Quite the opposite, actually. It’s really about taking a stand that you are the most important person in your child’s life and will not give up on her. Period. On days when you feel like you want to (and most of us feel that way), call a friend or your parent coach, or post to an online support group. But whatever you do, stay an advocate for your child.

1. Talking Too Much. Lecturing. Explaining. Nagging. If you’re clear about your expectations and rules up front, you shouldn’t need to explain yourself endlessly. In fact, doing so gives your child time, attention and relationship at the wrong time, AND takes away their opportunity to learn for themselves. For example, say that your son asks for a snack close to dinner time. The rule is that snacks are allowed up to 45 minutes before dinner. After you ask your son, “What is the rule about that?” and he tells you (or you clearly restate), resist the urge to talk about it. Pay attention to something else, and whatever you do, don’t take any verbal bait.

2. Taking The Verbal Bait Children Dangle In Front Of You. This is also known as taking what your child says personally. After you or your son restate the rule (see above), your son may try to “get your goat” by saying, “Why???I’m hungry!’ or “Just this once…c’mon!” or “Why are you always so mean to me?” Your mission, and I HOPE you accept it, is to remain calm (thereby remaining in your power) and say nothing. Nada. Zippo. If your son ups the ante and calls you a name or behaves aggressively, it’s time for him to do a “re-set” (a brief time-out in the same room so he can regain control, get NO energy and attention until he’s back in control and behaving appropriately). Not taking the bait means not responding to the content of what your son is saying (“What do you MEAN I’m always mean to you? Was it ‘mean ‘when I bought you those expensive shoes you wanted?”). It also means paying attention to the little voice in your head that might be saying, “He can’t get away with this–and if I don’t talk to him about this right now, he WILL be getting away with it!”

3. Mis-Using Time Out.  Time out can be an effective tool for teaching children how to calm themselves and regain control. Since children want your time, energy, attention and relationship more than anything else, they will do what works in order to get it. This includes behaving badly: sometimes, very badly. When misused, time out becomes so commonplace that kids tune it out. “Go to time out” means nothing if your child hears it several times a day. Save  it for the big stuff. Decide ahead of time what the rules are so kids are clear on when time-outs happen. And be sure to have some other tools in your tool kit so you aren’t over-relying on any one tool to do the job of many.

4. Giving more time and attention when your child misbehaves. Let’s face it. Our whole culture is set up to focus on what’s not working. The news is about the trauma and the drama. The problem with this approach in disciplining is that it gives time, attention and relationship to your child (which is a good thing) at the wrong time (a not-s0-good thing). If your child can make your face red and your voice louder when she misbehaves, she learns a very important lesson: you are very animated and attentive when she’s misbehaving. Children, especially challenging children, are masters at detecting how to get our energy. If you aren’t MORE animated when your child is behaving well and following rules than when she isn’t, expect to see more misbehavior. Look for moments throughout the day when your child ISN’T breaking a rule, and get animated with her about it!

5. Not Making Clear Requests. If you ask your son, “Will you pick up your socks?” he may answer, “No.” If you ask your daughter, “Do you mind cleaning your room?” you’re opening yourself up to hear a “yes.”  If you bark orders at your child by saying, “Clean your room NOW!” be prepared for a possible power struggle. Make it easier on yourself by starting your requests with two magic phrases: “I need you to….” and “Now it’s time to…” You up the odds that your child do what you asked, AND you model being calm and assertive. The more challenging your child is, the more clear you need to be with how you make requests.

A guilt-free way to use the above list is to note which ones you do well and which ones you want to work on. Then, pick one area, and practice it. Be sure to notice when you did it well! And come back here to share with us. Personally, I’ll be practicing the “making clear requests” one. Tune back in to see how I do!