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Archive for Relationships Are First and Most Important

Are Mompreneurs “Working Moms” or “At Home Moms?”

Posted by: Karen | Comments (2)
Thursday, October 8th, 2009

picresized_1255093375_phonemomAs a mompreneur, how do you see yourself? Do you view yourself primarily as an at-home mom who also works from home? Or, do you see yourself as a mom who works at home because you feel passionate about being there for your kids and equally passionate about running your own business? I ask these questions because, the other day, I heard one woman tell another, “Well, you don’t know what it’s like to be a working mom; you work from home.” This same mom then went on to say, “If I worked from home, I could do everything I want to do. I could scrapbook my son’s baby pictures, keep the house clean, and get more than Taco Bell on the dinner table. Please.” That’s what I say. Please. This woman’s comments really got me thinking about how I see myself, and how other mompreneurs might see themselves.

It’s easy to think that everybody else has it easier than we do. I t’s true I don’t work for someone else’s company outside my home. But I am a working mom. Oops. Do I sound defensive? Probably. I honor all moms. Stay at home moms work. Work outside the home moms work. Work at home moms work. All moms work. How we work looks different based on our circumstances.

I think as mompreneurs we need to acknowledge that we are in a very unique category, and with that comes unique needs and challenges. Yes, we work from home, and that enables us to do some pretty cool things that work-outside-the-home moms might find more challenging: put dinner in the crockpot, throw a load of clothes in the wash, read our child a story or help her with homework, write a blog post, talk to a client, lead a teleseminar. Still, because we work from home, we can be pulled in several different directions. We can be painfully aware of our children or husband needing us (and don’t forget the dog),  while we are busily working away on our businesses. We are constantly being called to be intentional with our time and our boundaries in ways that differ from other moms. It doesn’t make us better or worse. It just makes us different.

As mompreneurs we need  a tribe of people who “get” us. We are trailblazing a new path in motherhood, which is both exciting and overwhelming. Because of this, we need support that is tailored to our unique situations. Our tribe can consist of other mompreneurs (both as friends and business partners), life and business coaches, virtual assistants, etc. The key is to surround ourselves with people with whom we resonate and who support us. Sometimes these relationships will be reciprocal (as in friendships or business partnerships). Other times, they might be others we pay to provide a service that makes our life easier (such as a virtual assistant or a housecleaner). I think it’s important to have both kinds of relationships so we can build our tribe of support. I’ll admit that one of the reasons I love hangin’ with other mompreneurs is that we “get” each other on a fundamental level. We understand the desire to work for ourselves, to have a flexible schedule so we can be there for our kids, to leave our mark on the world as a mother and as an entrepreneur. All moms deserve their own tribe.

Who’s in your tribe?

Categories : Relationships Are First and Most Important
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Are Your Friends Like Gold or Fool’s Gold?

Posted by: Karen | Comments (0)
Wednesday, April 1st, 2009

picresized_1238662989_gold_coinsWhen you’re stressed and you want to throw in the motherhood towel, it’s nice to know you’ve got friends you can call. After all, nobody knows motherhood like another mother, right? When your son divebombs off the couch and lands on that expensive vase from your mother-in-law (you didn’t like it anyway, did you?), and then your daughter has a meltdown of her own, other mom-friends can ease your pain.

Or can they? It’s important to know which friends are “activity friends” and which are “heart” friends. Both are essential. And both fill different roles. “Activity” friends are the kind of people you want to do fun things with—like go to the movies, scrapbook, or go shopping. With these friends, the focus is on the shared activity. With “heart” friends, you share your innermost feelings and thoughts. You support one another, commiserate, and share, well, your heart. You don’t worry about being judged. While you may very well go to the movies or shopping with these friends, the emphasis is really on the deep sharing you do.

Knowing this distinction can save you much pain down the road. Expecting people to be what they’re not is a set-up for disappointment. For both of you. As a mom of a challenging child, I was confiding in a friend about my daughter’s melt-down that very morning.  My friend, not mincing words, retorted, “When my daughter pulls that, I don’t let her get away with it. I am the one in charge. So I rarely see that kind of behavior.” Ugh. I felt judged and unheard. My mistake? Forgetting that this friend was an activity friend: someone I have coffee with to talk about art, but not someone who shares my parenting values. In fact, we definitely do NOT share the same perspective on how to parent.  I was expecting her to behave as a heart friend, but our friendship is not about that.

If your child is intense and challenging, you, especially have to pick your friends wisely. Unless they have one, most moms (and people in general) don’t know what it’s like to have a child like yours. After all, your child looks the same on the outside, so “normal” parenting techniques should work, right? You can’t see someone’s inborn temperament–only the expression of it, which is their personality and behavior. So it’s essential self-care that you pick people with whom you can be real. Even if your heart friend doesn’t have an intense child, if she is truly a heart friend she will be willing to hear you. She may not agree with you all the time but that won’t matter. What really matters is that you have a friend or two with whom you can be seen and heard. Because on the tough mothering days, you’re going to need it.

Categories : Relationships Are First and Most Important
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A Guilt-Free $50 Valentine Gift For You!

Posted by: Karen | Comments (0)
Saturday, February 14th, 2009

valentinespecial

Hey, moms!

I want to give you a heads-up about an upcoming event that will help you parent your challenging child more easily and with way less stress. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m so tired of feeling guilty. Why does parenting have to be so hard?” you’ll be glad to know that I’m offering a 5-week teleseminar,

“5 Weeks To Lasting Peace with Your Intense, Difficult Child.”

By the time this teleseminar ends, you’ll have more energy and enjoy your child more. Not only will you learn powerful techniques for creating lasting change in your intense child, you also get to do so from the comfort of your own home!

As my Valentine’s Day gift to you, I am offering a sweetheart of a deal.

As my way of encouraging you to give up the guilt and feel better fast, register by midnight, February 28th, and I’ll give you $50 toward the teleseminar.

Categories : Relationships Are First and Most Important
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