No matter what winter holidays you celebrate, this season is likely to be full of excitement and expectations. And when you add a challenging child into the mix, life can get overwhelming. Enjoying traditions is one thing that can help create less stress and more peace. At our house, I like to play the same versions of Christmas songs that I grew up with (Kenny Burrell’s “Have Yourself A Soulful Little Christmas” and Elvis’ “Blue Christmas“) to put me in the holiday mood. Just hearing the songs takes me back to being seven, decorating the tree and feeling joy (although I don’t subject my kids to the same Tom and Jerry drinks I had as a kid!).

Traditions help us slow down and enjoy life. They connect us to a deeper part of ourselves–the part that wants comfort and connection. However, one thing that can get in the way of enjoying traditions is sticking to ones that no longer bring you joy. If they’re not fun anymore, let ‘em go! I used to go crazy trying to bake everything I loved as a kid—from the Eggnog Bread I started making in 6th grade to the perfect sugar cookies with icing. And I started dreading it every December. One day, it finally occurred to me that I could still bake, but I didn’t have bake everything I loved! Instead, I chose two things to make every year and stick with those (for the record, they are rolled sugar cookies and Russian Tea Cakes). Now I’m not a crazy, stressed mom who yells, “Get out of the kitchen, I’m TRYING to have fun baking! Shoo!”

Being intentional about which traditions you keep can help you relax and enjoy them. Another idea is to create your own rituals and traditions.. A fabulous book that will help you do this with fun and ease is The Book of New Family Traditions: How to Create Great Rituals for Holidays and Everyday, by Meg Cox. Run out and get this book because it will help you celebrate EVERY day, not just the holidays. The book talks about rituals for the usual holidays, and has additional ones for events like half birthdays, mealtimes, hellos and goodbyes, doing chores, childhood milestones, and manhy more. In it, the author says,

I like to say that family ritual is pretty much anything families do together deliberately, as long as its juiced up with some flourish that lifts it above humdrum routine. Repeated words or actions, special food or music, or a heightened sense of attention can provide the juice…Ritual is a package deal. It’s everything we do to celebrate our families, not just on special occasions but also every day, every meal, every bath and every bedtime story. In ritual, little is big; although dress-up holidays with lavish feasts are fun, it’s the everyday traditions that determine how we experience our families, and demonstrate hands-on love to our children.

What I love about what Meg Cox’s message is that it takes the pressure off of having “perfect holiday traditions” and instead focuses on connecting in the mundane moments we all have. So if holiday baking ain’t your thang, then no worries. The form your rituals and traditions take isn’t as important as your willingness to create and participate in them. This holiday season, let tradition be one of many tools you use to create lasting memories and peace.