Self-Care - Part 2

Archive for Self-Care

It’s The Most, Uh, Wonderful Time of the Year (3 Ideas To Manage Overwhelm)!

Posted by: Karen | Comments (2)

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…or is that just name of a holiday song? No matter what you’re you’re celebrating this month, there’s sure to be a lot going on. Here’s the equation that happens in homes across America: holiday preparations + high expectations + more to do than usual =stress, power struggles, and other “gifts” of the season!

Rather than be all “coachy” about it (in other words, speak in that impersonal voice of a coach), let me just be real and say that if there were ever going to be any melting down at our house this holiday season, it’d probably be me doing it. Right now, we have our own personal equation for stress going on: abnormally cold temps + freezing pipes + getting our house ready to sell (stripping wall paper and other “fun” stuff) + Christmas preparations + my husbands birthday = TOO MUCH TO DO = overwhelm. Today I wished I could just yank the covers over my head and go back to bed. And stay there. All day. However, given that the painter was scheduled to come and paint our master bedroom any minute, I knew that wasn’t an option (it wasn’t really anyway, but a mom can pretend, can’t she?).

I realized that a couple of things were going on for me that were making it harder during this busy time. First, I was looking at all the things that needed to be done without breaking them into manageable pieces. I’ll come clean here and say that my husband, who is a Project Manager at work, knows this about me and helps me to stop hyperventilating and start delegating. In order to delegate, I first have to see what smaller tasks underlie the large, humongous, “I-wanna-pull-the-cover-over-my-head” tasks. For example, instead of just freaking out about getting ready for our Open House real estate tour, my husband and I sat down and wrote down everything that needed to be done to be ready for it. At first, just seeing that big list made me want to run away. But as we began to group like items and then (my favorite part!) delegate them, I began to relax.

Take-Away For Other Busy Moms: Break large projects/tasks into smaller pieces and delegate when possible!

I also realized that I have the rather embarrassing tendency to want to snack mindlessly when I am overwhelmed. With all that’s happening right now, it’s fair to say I am snacking a lot. Overwhelmed with the fact that hubby’s birthday is in 12 days? Never fear! Bagels are here! Oh, don’t fret about the fact that you haven’t yet done your Christmas shopping! Remember how you just went to Trader Joe’s and bought hummus and brie and cookies? Sigh….of course these quick fixes are only telling half the truth. They are quick to temporarily pacify me (hmmmmm…the image of a pacifier just came to mind…ewwwwww), but they are certainly not “fixing” anything. Really, they are making things worse (or should I say “I” am making things worse). On top of my stress and overwhelm, I’ll now have to contend with extra pounds to lose. Oh, good. Another thing to add to my to-do list!

Take-Away For Other Busy Moms: Manage your stress and take good care of yourself in ways that truly nourish your spirit. If you’re really hungry and a snack will do it, great. Otherwise, what’s one small thing you can do to help yourself get back on-track? Is it as simple as staying hydrated (remember the simple things are often the most powerful!) or calling a good friend? Maybe for you sitting in front of the fire eating chocolate kisses would be soul-nourishing. Only you know!

The last thing I realized is that I tend to have rather grand expectations of myself all year long, but especially at this time of year. I want to enjoy my family. I want to support the moms I coach to the fullest extent possible. I also want to create great memories with my husband and children by participating in meaningful traditions (like making dough ornaments, decorating sugar cookies, and reading holiday books). Taken all together, this sounds like a recipe for stress and overwhelm, doesn’t it?

Take-Away For Other Busy Moms: Ask yourself what really matters to you. If you answer, “Doing holiday traditions with my kids,” ask yourself what feelings you are going for by doing this. For me, I want to feel connected, joyful and peaceful with them. Knowing this is key because if the actual activities don’t go as planned, I can still decide to remain connected, joyful and at peace. What’s your deeper “why”?

How about we create a new equation, one that empowers us to not only “get through” the holidays, but to enjoy them? Here’s my new equation: break big tasks into smaller pieces + take good care of yourself in small but powerful ways + keep your expectations in line with what really matters = a more peaceful holiday season.

What do YOU do to keep underwhelm and stress to a minimum during the holiday season? What’s your equation for serenity?

Categories : Self-Care

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Mompreneurs And Pink Elephants: Telling The Truth About Our Struggles

Posted by: Karen | Comments (4)

Monday, October 19th, 2009

I’ve been interested in talking about those “pink elephants in the living room” (you know, the stuff that people don’t want to talk about but you KNOW is there) since I was a kid. It’s no surprise then that one of my favorite childhood stories was The Emperor’s New Clothes. It thrilled me when, in that story, one brave little child had the audacity to shout out, “The Emperor is naked!” And the truth is, children are truth-tellers from birth, until it is socialized out of them. When I taught school, I remember first graders looking at me lovingly and proclaiming, “Mrs. B., your hair looks greasy today. Did you wake up late? I love you!” No malice meant. The child was just saying what was real for her in that moment.

Of course, discretion is a good thing, and another skill that children (and some adults) need to learn. Still, I am in awe of those people in our culture that tell the truth as they see it, often going against the grain. As someone who cares what others think, often too much, I aspire to be more of a “truth-teller” and to be real.

Being “real” nowadays can mean not just having your ego show up (and try only to present your best light), but letting others see your weaknesses as well as your strengths. It can also mean having really bad boundaries, as in the case of some reality TV shows (Do we really need to know all about Jon and Kate?). What I’m talking about is NOT about sharing gory details that are basically “TMI” (“Too Much Information). There has to be a context, or a reason for sharing.

So where I’m going with this is that I am on a mission to be more real about my mompreneur journey. And…I am also on a mission to help other mompreneurs ditch the guilt about telling the truth about their struggles. Take a look at a beautiful mompreneur website, and take in the stunning graphics, the headshot that showcases a beautifully made-up person. It’s easy to take the next step and 1)compare ourselves to that person, 2)come up short, and 3)tell ourselves a story about how that person is wildly successful and probably NEVER yells at her kids or rushes through a bedtime story so she can have a moment to herself (or work on her business!). Enter toxic guilt, the kind that whispers critical secrets in your ear such as, “See? YOU don’t have this mompreneur thing down like SHE does.”

I know that, for me, it can feel risky and downright scary to admit to people on my blog that I have struggles. What if they find out that I have piles of crap on my desk and I haven’t made the time to volunteer in my kids’ classes because I feel pulled in a million of directions? Will these blog readers still think I’m competent and professional enough? I think the key for me is to share enough to be real, so other mompreneurs can relate and know they’re not alone. We don’t share our truths just so we can “purge” ourselves of guilt . No, we do it because being real about the good, the bad, and the ugly frees up our much-needed energy to do what we’re here on earth to do, and it gives others permission to be real, too. Successful mompreneurs (however you define “successful”) aren’t that way because they “have it all together” all of the time. They’re successful because:

They are real with themselves where they struggle (and where they rock)
They realize they’re not alone in their struggles
They are willing to get help from a “Tribe” who understands their challenges and can support them

I’m excited to be embarking on a “Truth Telling” Project in the upcoming weeks. I’ll be interviewing different mompreneurs on how their two worlds (being a parent and being a business mom) often collide. Each will share secrets about areas she’s struggled AND will share what’s helped her succeed. We all deserve to know we’re not alone and that many of us even share some the same struggles!

I say, “Bring on the ‘pink elephants’!” Let’s talk about them, get them out in the open, and free up our energy to do the things that really matter to us (for me that’s raising great kids, a strong marriage and having a successful business). The curious thing is, the more we acknowledge and talk about them, the less hold they have over us.

The truth shall set us free, AND help us band together in being authentically human and perfectly imperfect. I hope you’ll join us in letting your “pink elephants” come and play with ours!

Categories : Self-Care

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Self-Care Doesn’t Have To Be Rocket Science-Let’s Not Make It Harder Than It Is

Posted by: Karen | Comments (3)

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

Straight off, let me apologize to any mompreneurs out there who are rocket scientists (and you know who you are). I don’t have anything against rockets or scientists. Rather, I just want to say, “Hey, Moms! I know we’re busy, so making ourselves a priority can feel weird. Or just plain guilt-producing. But let’s not make this harder than it has to be, okay?” And for the record, I’m wagging my finger at myself here, too.

Maybe it’s the term “self care.” It sounds kind of clinical and “coach-y.” Like it’s one more thing we have to add to our to-do list. “I have to do the laundry, make the bed, walk the dog, clean the toilet, AND do self-care.” What if we called it what it is: “Something I do because, if I don’t, I fall apart and can’t do anything for anyone, which means my life falls apart.” Too long and dramatic? Probably. But at least it cuts to the chase and bottom-lines it. We cannot be effective moms, be loving wives, be great business women, be great friends, be great anything if we’re on empty. Period. How effective are we if we are stressed, overwhelmed and near tears? If we think we feel guilty taking time for ourselves to refuel because it takes time away from our family and business, we need to think again. When we don’t take time to re-energize, we can be at our worst. For me, this means snapping at family members (“Am I the only person in this house who knows how to do the laundry? Towels just don’t wash themselves, you know!”), feeling so overwhelmed with my to-do list that it grows even longer because my overwhelm has morphed into inaction, and feeling guilty for my behavior (and just plain “stuck in the yuck”).

Feeling guilty isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes, it points us to our “True North.” It can be our conscience nudging us that we’re out of alignment with our integrity and what we value. If we feel guilty for taking time to refuel (and let’s face it–being a mom and a business owner require a ton of fuel/energy), we can notice the feeling and then question it. We can ask ourselves, “What good will come out of taking care of myself? What will happen if I don’t and I run myself into the ground? Is that what I want? What’s one small thing I can do that would help me refuel?” My point is that our guilt about taking care of ourselves needs to be questioned and rechanneled. If we DON’T take care of ourselves, we are more likely to be impatient with our kids and clients, get frustrated and overwhelmed and take those feelings out on others, and be wildly unproductive in all areas of our lives. How effective are we at that point?

I recently posted some tips on Twitter about how mompreneurs can take care of themselves in ways that only take a few minutes. Some of the ideas I mentioned were listening to favorite music on i-Pods, drinking tea slowly and savoring it, walking the dog, etc. Sure, spa days, vacations and massages are amazing. So are the little things that we do that help us reconnect to our passions, our joys, our sense of self. If we are intentional about doing several little things througout the day that boost our energy, the payoff will be big. Last week was so busy that taking care of myself meant deep-breathing throughout the day, drinking lots of water, listening to music, and petting the cat. Not exactly exciting stuff, but it refueled me and kept me on the path to reaching my goals.

Will you join me in simplifying self-care? If that term inspires you, great. If it doesn’t, find one that does. What can you do to refuel that only takes a few minutes? Start small if you struggle with this. If you make taking care of yourself harder than it needs to be so that it doesn’t happen, what happens in your life and in your business? How do you show up in your life when you’re on empty and stressed beyond belief? Do you like the choices you make when you feel like that? Let’s support one another to avoid the toxic guilt that whispers, “You’re already busy enough–don’t take time away from your family or business by taking time for yourself. Keep going.” Instead, let’s question that guilt and take time for ourselves SO THAT we can be of service to our families and our businesses.

You know that saying, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” Well, it’s true. I’d also add, “If mama don’t take care of herself, there ain’t no ‘self’ to take care of anybody or anything else.’” How we take care of ourselves, as well as how often, are up for negotiation. But let’s decide that whether or not we will take care of ourselves is non-negotiable.

Categories : Self-Care

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Archive for Self-Care

It’s The Most, Uh, Wonderful Time of the Year (3 Ideas To Manage Overwhelm)!

Mompreneurs And Pink Elephants: Telling The Truth About Our Struggles

Self-Care Doesn’t Have To Be Rocket Science-Let’s Not Make It Harder Than It Is

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