Taking care of yourself has never really been optional, but that hasn’t stopped many moms from years past from feeling guilty about doing it. There’s a ton of speculation on why this is so, from the media’s portrayal of perfect moms (think “June Cleaver”) as self-less creatures with boundless energy despite no down-time, to the 24/7 nature of motherhood expanding to fill as much time as you let it.
Thankfully, more moms are realizing that self-care is not optional if they want to be effective moms AND actually enjoy their lives. Motherhood has never been easy, no matter what the era. But let’s face it—life has gotten a lot more complex since the 1950s. Moms have more competing for their time and attention than ever before (many work from home, are older parents so having aging parents of their own, etc.). And that means more opportunites for them to become drained.
One of the best ways I know to help moms overcome the guilt of taking time to nurture themselves is this: pointing out that when they are on empty and burned out, they can be of service to no one. You simply cannot give what you do not have. If the lifeforce has been sucked out of you, and you try to parent from that barren place, expect melt-downs and tantrums (your kids might even join you in them!). Now that is a recipe for true guilt!
The tides are turning, thanks to people like Oprah increasing awareness of how stressed and burned out many moms feel these days. Moms are rising up and realizing that they have to actively CLAIM their right to nurture themselves. Nobody will hand them their self-care on a silver platter. Instead, they have to know that being willing to take care of themeselves is an exquisite act of kindness and responsibility: kindness because you want to treat yourself with care, the same way you do for others, and responsibility because you owe it to model for your children how important self-care is.
Whether you’re a veteran at taking care of yourself or just getting started, here are some resources to support you:
- Karly Randolph Pitman’s inspirational, beautiful site First Ourselves is a great place to start. And if you have a sugar addiction (like moi), she offers support for that, too. Highly recommended.
- Amy Tiemann’s site, Mojo Mom, and her corresponding book, offer moms encouragement to nurture themselves while in the thick of mothering.
- A fabulous book on the subject is Moms Need Time-Outs Too by Susan Callahan, Anne Nolen and Katrin Schumann. Check out their website, too.
- Renee Trudeau’s book, The Mother’s Guide To Self-Renewal is both beautiful and practical (and check out her site, too
- Yet another helpful book is Self-Nurture: Learning to Care for Yourself As Effectively As You Care for Everyone Else by Alice Domar. This resource has many helpful ideas about overcoming stress.
I’m so glad that moms are encouraging other moms to recharge by taking care of themselves. The more moms that practice self-care on a regular basis, the easier it will be for it to become second nature for moms everywhere. So join me and your other mom-sisters in reclaiming our right to recharge. It’s a right, not a privelege.
The day started with bang. Or in this case, with a smack. Our dog, Stanley, decided he wanted to eat breakfast. At 4:30 in the morning. So he whacked my face with his paw. Hard. After muttering a few choice words under my breath (and don’t ask why the dog is in the bedroom in the first place!), I pretended to go back to sleep, hoping the obnoxious mutt would catch a clue. This reminded me of how, a few years ago, I would pretend to be asleep so my husband would soothe our crying baby and let me rest. It didn’t work well then, and it didn’t work with the dog. Did I mention that I have a strong-willed dog? The karma fairies apparently think it’s funny that I help parents with strong-willed children, yet I have a strong-willed dog with bad behavior. I even think it’s funny sometimes, too. But not at 4:30 in the morning.
One of the moms I’m coaching sent me an 