As mom entrepreneurs, we are beyond busy. One minute we are on the phone, making dinner, and helping our kids–simultaneously. The very next, we are onto other projects (crises?) vying for our attention. So the word “busy” doesn’t even begin to come close to describing our lives. Being busy can be a good thing (depending on what we’re doing), or it can be a crutch that keeps us from achieving our most important goals.
As business women, we know that there are activities that are high-payoff because they will help our business grow AND make us money (and I’ve had to admit that playing “Jigzone” on the computer isn’t one of them!). The same is true for our personal lives. We can respond to what is urgently slapping us in the face, but it doesn’t mean that doing so is the best use of our time. If we look at the areas of our personal/family lives that cause us stress, and can see that, over time, we are responding the same way, to the same situations, it’s time to make a change and do something different.
However, being “busy” can be a crutch at times, because it can become an excuse for not dealing head-on with something that really needs our attention: something that, if we addressed it, would lead to happier, better-behaved kids or more clients in our business. Pick an area of your life where you struggle. For me it’s dinner. My husband’s a vegetarian and I’m trying to lose weight. On top of that, I have picky kids AND a crazy schedule. If night after night I find myself in the same situation, feeling guilty and frustrated and maybe even resentful that this dinner thing is such a problem and there is rarely a nutritious dinner on the table, I have a choice. I can blame my busy schedule for why this situation is happening, and then make an excuse for not making a change. Or, I can recognize that it is because I am busy that I choose to take responsibility and change the situation.
An easy way to tell if you’re making excuses and using your “busyness” and “business” as reasons why you don’t have the time to address what’s not working in your life is this litmus test. Do you make the time to take care of yourself on a daily basis? I’m not talking running off to the spa everyday. I mean do you take time to clear your head, do something for a few minutes that energizes and nourishes you? Or are you parenting on empty and running your business that way too?
There is a direct relationship between how willing you are to take care of yourself on a regular basis and how willing you are to take responsibility for your life. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we just have more mental and physical energy to deal with what’s not working when we are taking care of ourselves. Or perhaps it’s that the act of taking care of ourselves is the first step in our showing up fully in our own lives (and admitting where we need help). When we’re running on fumes because of a crazy schedule, there’s little willingness to deal with challenges because we’re simply in “I just need to get through this” mode.
The guilt-free approach to this mompreneur dilemma is to ask yourself, “In what areas am I taking responsibility in my life?” Acknowledge what you ARE doing that’s helping you. Then ask yourself, “What’s one area of my life where I can make one small change for the better?” Remember that when you are really stressed and overwhelmed, the smallest changes can have the largest impact. Don’t let your guilt about not changing become yet another excuse. Notice it, and move on! Don’t let excuses keep you stuck in the status quo unless you’re happy there. The cost to you and your family is high: more stress and chaos, and less peace. The cost to your business is twofold: less energy to put into your business, and a lot less profit.
Bottom Line? It doesn’t have to be this way. You can “unstick” yourself from the web of excuses by a)acknowledging that you have them and b)not buying into them. Like a friendship that was once mutually beneficial and no longer is, you can part ways with your excuses.
Oh, they’ll still try to visit, from time to time. But all you have to do is smile, wave goodbye, and move on.
Motherhood has been under close scrutiny for years. There are no shortage of opinions on what makes a “good mother”. If you don’t believe me, ask a few of your friends and your in-laws, read a few mom blogs, and throw a few TV shows in for good measure. What do you end up with? A hodge-podge of different ideas on how to be a ”good mom”, based on the values of whom you’re asking and what their world view happens to be.
All moms are liars. Okay, maybe not all. But most are. Especially the ones who talk smack about other mothers. You know the ones who sneer, “Did you SEE her child freaking out in the park? Hellllooo! Has she ever heard of “discipline? What she needs to do is get control!” That kind of judgment usually means two things. First, it means that this mom is probably afraid of her child doing exactly the same thing. Second, it means that she probably judges herself as harshly as she does other mothers. So maybe this mother didn’t outright lie and say, “I never have those problems.” But in a way she implied it. And whomever she was with at the time also heard the unsaid-but- implicit message that being real about motherhood wouldn’t be easy around THIS mom.