My friend, Jaime Woolf, wrote a poweful book called, Mom In Chief: How Wisdom from the Workplace Can Save Your Family from Chaos. She helps women take leadership skills from other areas of their lives and use them to parent more easily and effectively. For Mother’s Day, she sent out this message to the women on her subscriber list. It resonated with me so much I asked for her permission to share it, and she agreed! By the way, I love that she says, “Living in a perpetual state of imbalance is a given.” I try to abstain from using the word “balance” and instead use words like “rhythm.” Her perspective is both practical and helpful for those of us who struggle with mom guilt. Enjoy!
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I write in Mom-in-Chief, “To have the best connection with our children and the most positive influence on them, we need to deepen our connection with ourselves.” When we buzz through our days barely stopping to breathe, we’re too wrung out to enjoy anything let alone our families. It takes a conscious effort to build time for nurturing yourself and reconnecting with your best self.
Living in a perpetual state of imbalance is a given. This Mother’s Day, take a couple of guilt-free hours to do something indulgent, something that gives you energy, something without the kids! The point of doing this is to help you come to a connect-the-dots moment when you reawaken the joy you feel for your work, life, and family.
But it’s not only on Mother’s Day that you want to take time for yourself. The best leaders– Presidents, CEOs, parents–are disciplined about finding the time to rejuvenate. Here are some questions to ponder in honor of Mother’s Day:
1. On what activities do I want to spend less time? (Hint: think of those activities that make you feel lethargic just to think about them–multiple rounds of CandyLand, making lunches).
2. Think about how to off-load undesired tasks. For example, can your kids make their own lunches? Do you really need to go to every soccer game?
3. On what activities do you want to spend more time? Hiking in the hills, curling up with a novel, going to a concert?
4. What will you do to expand the time you devote to this area? Bypass the excuses, get creative, and take action.
To perform your best and inspire the best in others, you need to step back from the pressure and nurture yourself. This is what the best leaders do and this is what we need to do to feel effective and experience the rewards of parenting.
Good luck and Happy Mother’s Day!
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To reach Jamie Woolf, you find her at www.mominchief.com, and www.theparentleader.com. Her book is available on her site, as well as at www.amazon.com.
“You suck! You’re a rotten mother!” Think this is the refrain from a mouthy tween to her mom? Think again. It’s from one mom to another on an online message board, and it’s happening all across the internet. Intelligent discourse has taken a back seat to good manners and mom to mom support. I’m not talking about moms sharing their views on parenting and agreeing to disagree. No, I’m talking about moms slamming other moms for their choices–moms shunning other moms in playgroups and chatrooms.
While I may not know how to solve problems like ending world hunger or creating world peace, one thing I DO know is that I tend to make major changes all at once. This may not seem like the sanest strategy around (sometimes it’s really not!), since it can wreak havoc on your sanity and your relationships. Nonetheless, it’s been my pattern. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I experienced a lot of changes in my childhood (five elementary schools in six years). Or perhaps I love me some drama (I’ve been accused of that more than once). At the very least, I think it has a LOT to do with two things: motivation and momentum.