The day started with bang. Or in this case, with a smack.  Our dog, Stanley, decided he wanted to eat breakfast. At 4:30 in the morning. So he whacked my face with his paw. Hard. After muttering a few choice words under my breath (and don’t ask why the dog is in the bedroom in the first place!), I pretended to go back to sleep, hoping the obnoxious mutt would catch a clue. This reminded me of how, a few years ago,  I would pretend to be asleep so my husband would soothe our crying baby and let me rest. It didn’t work well then, and it didn’t work with the dog.  Did I mention that I have a strong-willed dog? The karma fairies apparently think it’s funny that I help parents with strong-willed children, yet I have a strong-willed dog with bad behavior. I even think it’s funny sometimes, too. But not at 4:30 in the morning.

The day just continued downhill from there.  My daughters (ages 7 and 10) woke up cranky and ready to spar with one another. The phone kept ringing. There were no clean spoons with which to eat breakfast. My husband was on a business trip. My youngest starting crying because her tooth hurt. All I wanted was a chance to drink my coffee in peace. As the girls started sparring once more, I could feel my blood boil. A normally calm person, I almost lashed out with, “Knock it off, you two, or no computer time for the whole week!” But I stopped myself.

Instead, I stood at the kitchen sink and closed my eyes. As I took a very deep breath and let it out slowly, I pictured myself breathing out my stress. “What do you tell the moms you coach to do, Karen? Think!” Ahhhhh…with the stress hormones abating, I remembered. Reset. Reboot. Do-over. Give myself some space between the problem and the next moment.

In that holy, powerful gap between wanting to yell and becoming willing to “reboot” my system and try again, I became calm. And calm begets calm. Notice that I wanted to yell. I really did. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to yell at my kids. But my intense willingness to reset and reboot overrode my other impulse. It doesn’t always, trust me. But that’s because I’m not a computer; I’m human. Like any habit, the willingness to reboot or reset can be strengthened. It’s defintely one I plan on strengthening because the results are worth it.

Did the morning magically turn around due to my resetting? Sort of. I had my daughters reset (we’ve practiced this skill a lot previously so there was a prior context for them), and we all took a breath. Then we went to the couch, sat down, snuggled, and didn’t say a word for three minutes.

Oh. And I had my cup of coffee, which I drank in peace. So Igot my wish.

One of the moms I’m coaching sent me an article on moms and stress from the site, Modern Mom. Wow. It didn’t beat around the bush or try to sugar-coat the issue. It didn’t say, “There, there. You have so much on your plate. Of COURSE you’re stressed.” It acknowledged the stress and then said, straight up, that many moms are addicted to stress.  I believe it.

The article goes on to say that a little stress is good. It can “keep you on your toes” and help you tap into your aliveness. But when your “aliveness” morphs into “lividness” (ok–I made up that word!), something’s gotta give. For many of us moms, what gives is our sanity and peace of mind.

The truth? Adrenaline is as addictive as crack.  I’d prefer to think that my idea of a high was working out on the eliptical or enjoying a cup of  coffee. But  the truth hurts. Worrying and stressing about how things will ever get done or what others think of me or how much is on my plate keeps me stuck. And sometimes stuck feels good. Or at least it feels better than taking action.  Is that wrong? Nope. Is it where I want to stay? Nope.  The goal is to use the stress as a wake-up call that I need to pay attention to something in my life: my health, my parenting, etc.

Staying stressed is like hitting the snooze button repeatedly so you can sleep more. It can become a comfortable habit that deludes you into thinking you’re doing something productive.  I don’t think we can “Just Say No to Stress.” Stress happens. We can, however, choose to acknowledge that we feel it, and then release it. Creating art journal pages (even for 5 minutes) helps me let go of it.  Sometimes it’s taking a breath and closing my eyes.

One of the most important steps to managing stress is to be willing to notice and acknowledge it. Once you do that, you can take a time out and “reset” yourself so that you can act differently.  The important thing is to stop functioning on autopilot and start becoming aware of your reactions. Once you’re aware, you can use the adrenaline of the moment to propel you towards balance (whatever that looks like for you). Being in a chronic state of adrenaline rush keeps you on the hamster wheel of life. Being willing to acknowledge the stress and then do one small thing to take care of yourself moves you from addiction and autopilot to awareness and freedom.