Comments on: Does This Guilt Make My Butt Look Fat? (Answer: Yes!)

By: Laura

Laura — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:37:06 +0000

This was a good article. I only wish I had seen it much earlier. I started out a little older (43) knowing nothing, and in the beginning started to reall panic b/c I had no one close to to ask any questions of. I noticed that when I talked to people in co-ops, PEPS, and other mother/child gatherings (where we were asked to talk about issues) people really did not seem to want to befriend me. I found out later through a friend it was because I was “too honest” and I guess it scared people. I wasn’t SCARRY honest, it’s just that I really didn’t know why I was feeling like I was, what to do, etc.

My personal opinion is that it’s sad when people cannot be honest b/c I now know (with 4 years under my belt) that if someone expresses to me or near me or within earshot something that had troubled me, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second to help them.

And the saddest part of all is that I still don’t get much support, and have at times been “momentarily” suicidal about it. Sometimes I just panic b/c I wonder if I’m doing “good enough”. I am seenig a counselor and who knows how long I’ll have to, but for the good of my beloved child, I will continue to do so as long as it takes.

Thanks for your article. I loved it!

By: Karen

Karen — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:29:39 +0000

Hey, Pam!

So glad to “see” you here! Thanks for weighing in on the subject. I am also wondering if certain personality types are more verbal processors, and hence more apt to talk about it than do it. Other personalities might be more action-oriented to begin with. Who knows? I DO know that being honest with yourself about the issue and your willingness to make changes is huge.

Thanks for stopping by,
Karen

By: Karen

Karen — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:27:26 +0000

Kathy–

Yes, I so agree that the first step is to be honest with yourself. Also nice to know that you had picky eaters and that now they eat well! There’s hope!

Thanks for stopping by!
Karen

By: Pam

Pam — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:29:28 +0000

I agree, expressing guilt can be an excuse, even a crutch. What is the standard we’re not meeting that makes us feel guilty? Is it society/others’ expectations or is is our own ideas about what’s the “ideal.” The guilt that I get annoyed about seeing in other people is when they feel guilty about not meeting their own standards. It’s like the people who keep telling you “I have to quit smoking”, or “I’ve got to start exercising more” but you don’t see them taking any concrete actions. The complaining gets old after a while. We shouldn’t express our guilt to others unless we’re willing to lower our standards or actually do something, even small steps!

By: Kathy

Kathy — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 05:51:11 +0000

Yes, the hardest and first step is to be honest with yourself about how you really feel. That will help her because she won’t feel the pressure subconsciously…and guilt is a burden to our children so YAY for you. Otherwise , I confess that i had picky eaters too! I don’t have advice right now, but they amazingly do eat quite a bit now that they’re grown.Next time she eats a carrot with ranch, take 3 deep breaths and see if you can feel ok about it. that’s one baby step. It will start to decrease the stress around her eating. I’ll keep thinking:o)

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:27:05 +0000

Thanks, Julie. Nice to know I am a “shining example” in this way! I so agree with reaching out to people who are 100% supportive. If our environements are supportive, we wither. But we have to actively seek out and create that supportive environment.

Glad you stopped by!

By: Julie

Julie — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 20:44:10 +0000

I recently gave some advice on the subject of “Mommy guilt” and the way you’re handling your own “MG” is a shining example of how others can do the same!

I agree with you; taking a Kaizen (tiny, tiny action steps) approach to “MG” is probably the best way to go. I think it’s also important to reach out to people that will be 100% supportive.