If you’re a mom who struggles with feeling “good enough” (and who among us hasn’t?), you may be prone to comparing yourself to other moms. Thanks to the beauty of the internet, moms can now compare themselves 24/7! Just the other day I was reading a blog post about a mom who is pregnant with her fourth child and yet who makes the time to do amazing art projects and organic cooking sessions with her children, all of whom are under the age of 6! The pictures on her blog show her smile radiating warmth, love–certainly not the stress and overwhelm I often feel.

   But..comparing yourself to other moms is like comparing apples to other types of fruit and wondering why they’re not the same. The comparison isn’t a fair one because there are too many factors that make moms unique. One of these is personality style. If you are an introverted mom who favors smaller, more intimate groups of people over large crowds, your preference has a lot to do with your personality style. The same is true if you are more extroverted and crave the excitement that being around a lot of people brings.

To further add to the mix, some of us are tend more towards using our “thinking” preferences and others of use our “feeling” ones. I tend to lead with my feelings, and my first concern when I make decisions is often how my children feel. If I compare myself to a mom whose style predisposes her to stand back and let her children work things out, it’s really a moot point. Both of us approach mothering from different viewpoints, different “lenses.” When I compare myself to another mom’s style and come up short, what I am really doing is making mothering harder. I’m not seeing what I bring to the table. Instead, I’m thinking about how I can be more like the mom to whom I am comparing myself.

   Are we willing to stop comparing ourselves? How about if we replace negative comparisons with better questions to ourselves. Questions like, “What qualities does that mom have that I’d like to develop more in myself?” “What do I already bring to the table that helps my children?” We have to be our own advocates. Knowing our personality style and its corresponding strengths helps us do that. THAT’S how we become more effective. Not by comparing. And certainly not by noticing how we come up short. Stay tuned for Part II, where I’ll talk about some resources to help you on this path.