The day started with bang. Or in this case, with a smack. Our dog, Stanley, decided he wanted to eat breakfast. At 4:30 in the morning. So he whacked my face with his paw. Hard. After muttering a few choice words under my breath (and don’t ask why the dog is in the bedroom in the first place!), I pretended to go back to sleep, hoping the obnoxious mutt would catch a clue. This reminded me of how, a few years ago, I would pretend to be asleep so my husband would soothe our crying baby and let me rest. It didn’t work well then, and it didn’t work with the dog. Did I mention that I have a strong-willed dog? The karma fairies apparently think it’s funny that I help parents with strong-willed children, yet I have a strong-willed dog with bad behavior. I even think it’s funny sometimes, too. But not at 4:30 in the morning.
The day just continued downhill from there. My daughters (ages 7 and 10) woke up cranky and ready to spar with one another. The phone kept ringing. There were no clean spoons with which to eat breakfast. My husband was on a business trip. My youngest starting crying because her tooth hurt. All I wanted was a chance to drink my coffee in peace. As the girls started sparring once more, I could feel my blood boil. A normally calm person, I almost lashed out with, “Knock it off, you two, or no computer time for the whole week!” But I stopped myself.
Instead, I stood at the kitchen sink and closed my eyes. As I took a very deep breath and let it out slowly, I pictured myself breathing out my stress. “What do you tell the moms you coach to do, Karen? Think!” Ahhhhh…with the stress hormones abating, I remembered. Reset. Reboot. Do-over. Give myself some space between the problem and the next moment.
In that holy, powerful gap between wanting to yell and becoming willing to “reboot” my system and try again, I became calm. And calm begets calm. Notice that I wanted to yell. I really did. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to yell at my kids. But my intense willingness to reset and reboot overrode my other impulse. It doesn’t always, trust me. But that’s because I’m not a computer; I’m human. Like any habit, the willingness to reboot or reset can be strengthened. It’s defintely one I plan on strengthening because the results are worth it.
Did the morning magically turn around due to my resetting? Sort of. I had my daughters reset (we’ve practiced this skill a lot previously so there was a prior context for them), and we all took a breath. Then we went to the couch, sat down, snuggled, and didn’t say a word for three minutes.
Oh. And I had my cup of coffee, which I drank in peace. So Igot my wish.
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