Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted to be her own boss. She didn’t want people telling her what to do and how to do it, AND she liked the idea of getting to create something from scratch that came from deep within (being a child she didn’t know the word “soul”, but if she had, she’d have used it).  She didn’t know it at the time, but she wanted to be an entrepreneur. In case you hadn’t guessed, this little girl  is me.  After many years of working for other people, I did it. I started my own business and became an entrepreneur.  There was one small, teeny tiny detail that affected my biz, one that I hadn’t thought about back when I was a daydreaming little girl.

And that detail is: I am a mother. (Okay. So maybe that isn’t such a teeny tiny detail).

The place where my parenting and my business meet isn’t always pretty. It’s complicated. I think life is complicated, which is to say unless you live in a bubble, you probably have a lot going on in your lfe. It doesn’t always look the same from day to day. Working from home, running your own business, and trying to have some semblance of your own version of “balance”, isn’t for the faint of heart. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know I don’t believe in the elusive idea of “balance.” Nope. That idea is big GUILT BUTTON  for so many of us. What I DO believe in is finding YOUR version of equilibrium, that place where you come back to your center again and are able to act, rather than react. Stay with me, here. I’m not getting into “coach-y” jargon. I’m keepin’ it real by saying two things:

  1. Combining your own business with motherhood takes work, perseverance, and a lot of energy (doesn’t anything worthwhile?).
  2. If you are to have a life where you’re not yelling at the microwave (or dog)  because of the stress of trying to “balance” these two HUGE parts of your life, you MUST be willing to give up the idea of “balance.” Every mom has her version of what it means to “recalibrate” (I actually prefer that term) and return to HER center. Not the “center” of the mompreneur on Twitter or Facebook who seems to “have it all together” (little do you know!). Not your best friend’s version of  “center.” Your version of it.

Let’s say, for example, that you are trying to get through your morning  with your kids so that they can go to school, and you can settle into work. If you were to focus on “balance,” you might look at the generic (but nonetheless good) idea of having a set morning routine that takes (you hope) a set amount of time. This structure could help you focus on your priorities (your kids, and then, your biz), and guide your actions. All good stuff. But one kink in the routine and you can quickly become “imbalanced.” If your child melts down because she doesn’t like to wear her “itchy socks,” that could take, oh, maybe an extra 20 minutes to get through the morning. She’s crying and complaining about the socks. Maybe you’re trying to stay calm and fix it, and find yourself losing your temper. Your child is ramping up the crying and not wanting to leave the house. You have things you need to do, AND your child is in danger of being late to school (again).

 Gone is the balance. Chaos reigns supreme. But it doesn’t have to be this way, if  you can swap out the word “balance” with something more forgiving and achievable , like “recalibrate” or “equilibrium.” Maybe you’re thinking, “Okay, crazy lady…thanks for the word games. But how’s this supposed to help me when my kid is melting down about socks and I need both of us to keep moving?” It’s true, I AM talking a change in words because words affect how we feel. Balance is a static state where everything is “even.” How often do you feel like everything is “even” in your life? We’re constantly right-adjusting to stay on whatever our “right course” is, and this is rarely a linear path!

 So, back to the socks. When “bad socks happen to good people,” YOU recalibrate to YOUR center. Take a breath (or three). Change your stressed state. Decide on what you will do in that moment. Maybe you take the socks and the shoes and head to the car. Maybe you tell your child she’s free to go to school with socks and shoes on her feet or in a paper bag. The point is you get back to YOUR center and then ACT. If you act before you get centered, you REACT, which often makes the situation worse. That’s why you “recalibrate.”

Maybe you’re a mom who can identify with the idea of “balance” and feel supported by it. If so, great! If, however, the notion of “balance” is a guilt button for you, then don’t use it! Find a word or idea that can honor the zigzagginess of your REAL life!