I wish I had a $100 for every person that’s ever asked me how to get their child to go to (and stay in!) bed.

I’d be a rich woman.

 Sleep issues are at the top of that list called, “Things That Stress Me Out And Make Me Pull My Hair Out.”  And if you are a mom who runs her own biz or works from home (or any mom, really), you ESPECIALLY may be saying to yourself, “When night time comes, I NEED some time to myself! I NEED those kids to go to bed!” Been there. Dealt with that. Several times. So what’s a harried mom to do?

Glad you asked.   Here’s what I say:

1.   Be clear on your philosophy and beliefs about children and sleep. This is big.  Seriously. This is big because it is the biggest deal-breaker, the reason why anything you do to solve the sleep problem won’t work . If you deep-down believe that kids need to sleep with you and be rocked, and fall asleep when they want to, and some parenting expert tells you that you’re a wimp and that you just need to let your child “cry it out,” you’re either going to ignore their advice or do it but not stick with it (and perhaps feel like a failure for not sticking with it).  Or if you are not someone that sleeps well with kids in your bed and you read that you “SHOULD” have kids co-sleep with you or else they will grow up unloved and on a street corner somewhere (and maybe even become an ax murderer), you are in for some trouble. If you google “getting kids to sleep” you will see no shortage of advice on the matter–from experts and non-experts alike. First, ask yourself how YOU were parented around sleep. Did you like it? If not, are you reacting to how you were raised by taking the opposite stance? If you are, this doesn’t mean that’s wrong–it just means that you need to be aware of where you stand with this issue. It’ll save you sleepless nights later. If you are conflicted about what you believe and what you think you should believe about this sleep issue, your kids will sense it and be confused.

2.   Once you decide what your beliefs are around sleep, and check in with your integrity and your heart to make sure you know where you stand, implement a bedtime routine.  One of the biggest mistakes I see around sleep is that parents don’t start slowing the evening down at least an hour before bedtime. If bedtime is 8:00, then 7:30 is not the time to start a tickle fest or to start a project. Ideally, kids need help with transitions, and sleep is a BIG one. Help them by slowing the household down. Then have kids get ready for bed in the same order every night. Make a poster if you have to (use pictures for kids that can’t read yet–you can even take pictures of your kids doing the things on the bedtime routine and put them on the chart). End with a story and/or pillow talk. Keeping the routine the same helps your kids relax because they know what’s coming.

3.   Stick with your plan for a month.  This way you’ll give it enough time for it to work. You’ll also know by then if it’s something you want to live with. Note: Just because it’s hard to stick with doesn’t mean it’s not the right plan–it just means you’re putting new habits into place and doing that takes time. And patience.  And sometimes a good girlfriend or two to keep you from screaming. If after a month your child AND you are sleeping peacefully, that’s good news. That’s what it all about.  But…if neither you nor your child is getting enough zzzzzzzzzzzzzzs, you’ll  need to troubleshoot. Chances are that if there is a breakdown anywhere, it’s in the above-mentioned areas: your philosophy, your bedtime routine, and/or your consistency.

If all else fails, there are a number of good sleep books on the market. But…before you buy any of them, be very clear on what your sleep philosophy really is, not what an expert tells you it should be.

Sweet dreams!