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Archive for parenting coach

Why I Like To Make Major Changes All At Once

Posted by: Karen | Comments (3)
Wednesday, April 28th, 2010

While I may not know how to solve problems like ending world hunger or creating world peace, one thing I DO know is that I tend to make major changes all at once. This may not seem like the sanest strategy around (sometimes it’s really not!), since it can wreak havoc on your sanity and your relationships.  Nonetheless, it’s been my pattern. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I experienced a lot of changes in my childhood (five elementary schools in six years). Or perhaps I love me some drama (I’ve been accused of that more than once). At the very least, I think it has a LOT to do with two things: motivation and momentum.

Let me start with the biggest change I have going on right now: moving to California.  Before the move can take place, we need to sell our home. So that we could sell our home, we invested time and money in stripping wall paper, repainting, and other necessities. Because the housing market is, shall we say, less than stellar, we knew our patience would be tried. We just didn’t know how long it’d be tried (so far it’s been 6 months). So, we continue to keep our house super clean so a real estate agent can show it on a moment’s notice. We’re not moving until we sell our home, and we don’t know when that will be. So yes, we’re moving, but we don’t know when. We’re in an interesting place: limbo. We know that, in a heartbeat, someone will buy our home and we’ll be in for a whole lot of work as we move two states away. So this change is like one gigantic transition. For someone who likes to know how things will turn out, let’s just say I’m being tested!

Another major change is that I’ve made the committment to get healthy. It’s long bothered me that I struggle with my weight. As a mom of two girls, I didn’t like what I was modeling for them: sugar addiction and being overweight. I also had some fears of my health failing and not being around to see them grow up. I don’t know what finally clicked with me (since goodness knows I’ve had this monkey on my back and have been fretting about it for years), but something did, and I decided that I was D-O-N-E being overweight. And “done” is really the best word for it. I’m done. Finished. Through. So far, I’ve lost 25 pounds and have been working out on the eliptical machine at least 4 times per week (sometimes more).  What’s really weird, but in a good sort of way, is that even though I am often stressed with all the changes in my life and sometimes think about eating cookies or cake to pacify myself, I know in my bones that I’m not going to do it. I am committed to being healthy, feeling better, looking better, and modeling healthy behaviors for my girls. What’s really weird is that my moving out of state prompted me to think about my life in new ways. I started asking myself questions like, “Moving back to California has been a dream of mine for a long time…hmmm..what else has been a dream of mine? What else can I do that would help me really live on purpose?” It didn’t take long for me to figure out that moving to a new state and city is a chance to start over. I love fresh beginnings! Being closer to family and in a sunny climate needed to be a part of my “True North” experiences: those things that I just knew in my heart I needed to do. Losing weight and getting healthy seemed to go right along with them.

Which leads me to my last big change: my business. When I made the switch from being a teacher to a parent coach five years ago, I knew I was on track (the way you “just know” in your heart about many things) to begin my next step. I’m so glad I did that because I am passionate about supporting moms. I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing: helping moms get unstressed and overwhelmed, overcome guilt, and enjoy life.  However, over the years, I’ve gotten clearer on a few things. First, while one on one coaching is very powerful, it can’t be the only thing I offer. Not everyone is ready for that level of intimacy. Plus, I can only work with so many one on one clients at a time. Second, the teacher in me wants needs to come out to play. I love sharing information and helping people learn new ideas and strategies, especially in a group. Third, the work I do with moms is so important to me that I want it to be more far-reaching. So, to honor this clarity and to keep living my life on purpose, I am changing how I offer what I do. This means that I will lead more teleclasses and groups. It means I’ll blog more frequently. It means I’ll be starting a BlogTalkRadio show. It really means streamlining and simplifying. You may notice that my blog has changed (it’s still a work in progress right now so pardon the dust). The header’s gone. There aren’t so many things on the home page vying for your attention (you have enough going on in your own life vying for your attention, right?!). I have a new audio an Quick Start Guide on  “How To Get Your Kids To Listen And Do What You Say” because when I polled my subscribers, they said that along with parenting a strong-willed child, this was a major hot button for them. I’ll still be offering one on one coaching but will change how I do it a bit. I even have a new Coaching Club I’ll be starting up (more on that in the future).

In the meantime, I’m doing what I usually do, which is making several changes at once. Yeah, sometimes I get pretty overwhelmed and want to run away to the Bahamas. However, I’m also excited about the life I’m creating. I don’t always know what’s coming next, but then again, did I ever really? Every pound I lose or every workout I do inspires me to keep the faith about my house selling and about all the changes I’m making in my business. I’m scared, excited, nervous and overwhelmed.

I’m also pretty darned grateful to be on this path of creating the life I’ve been wanting but have been too afraid to do anything about. And so I continue to act in spite of the fear, because woven into the fear is the excitement of possibility.

Change is like that, don’t you think?

Categories : Uncategorized
Comments (3)

The Guilt-Free Mom on TV!

Posted by: Karen | Comments (2)
Monday, February 23rd, 2009

If you live in the Seattle, WA area, you’ll be able to see me on Channel 5 KING TV’s Evening Magazine program this evening at 7pm PST. I was interviewed, along with one of my client families, and the segment will be aired tonight.

If you’re not in the Seattle area, or won’t be around at 7pm, you can see the interview right here:

Categories : Intervene With Positive Discipline
Comments (2)

Do Good Moms Yell?

Posted by: Karen | Comments (2)
Monday, October 13th, 2008

Or must they always be patient, loving and kind? Are the two mutually exclusive? As a mom of a strong willed child myself, I have yelled at my daughter and have responded with the patience of a saint. It depends on the day and how stressed I am. And how well I’ve taken care of myself. Much as we would like to be the perfect, all-knowing moms, it just ain’t possible. Really. It’s not. Being human prevents it. As an admitted perfectionist, this seriously bugs me. I’ve read way too many parenting books (I’d love to lie and say it’s because I’m a parenting coach but I’ve been doing it since before my kids were born) and compared myself to way too many moms. The verdict is in: I feel guilty for not responding calmly every time my child pushes my buttons. What kind of mom does this make me?
After interviewing Bonnie Harris, author of When Kids Push Your Buttons And What You Can Do About It, I got clear that yelling doesn’t make me a “bad mom.” It means that I need to slow down, breathe, and think about the situation from a different perspective so I can make a new choice. This isn’t easy, especially when I feel so much anger that I want to scream. But I am human. You are human. Humans have emotions. How we handle our emotions isn’t always pretty. We yell. We apologize. We learn from our mistakes. The fact that we sometimes yell at our kids doesn’t make us “bad” moms any more than never yelling makes us “good” moms. We are a mixture of the parts of ourselves we love and the parts we don’t.
  I believe that our willingness to grow as moms counts for a lot. We may not respond to every tantrum or power struggle the way we’d ideally like to, but we can continue to aim to be perfectly imperfect. I’m not talking about letting yourself off the hook for continually yelling without looking at what’s going in within you. I am talking about knowing that you’re doing the best you can. And when you’re not doing your best, take a breath, calm yourself, and make a different choice. Launder. Rinse. Repeat. You’re in good company.

Categories : Invite Yourself To A New Vision
Comments (2)

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