I’m fond of saying that when moms feel better, they do better. In a previous post, I talked about how comparing yourself to other moms can leave you feeling awful. Yet, everywhere around you are examples of how to parent better. What should you pay attention to versus what should you ignore? Here are my tips for easy ways to feel like a better mother, without comparing yourself.
1. Know Thyself. As I’ve mentioned before, knowing your personality style and what makes you tick as a mother is very freeing. It helps you recognize your strengths, and leverage your weaknesses (and we’ve all got a combo of both!). A great resource for this is Janet Penley’s book, Motherstyles. Also, check out my podcast (in the right sidebar of my home page) I did with Janet where we talk about how every style of mom has both merits and challenges.
2. Keep a Gratitude List every day. Don’t call it a “gratitude journal” if that stresses you out. Think of it as a piece of paper next to your bed where you jot down what you’re thankful for that day. I’ve included things like, “I didn’t yell today” and “The color of the Fall leaves.” It’s amazing how feeling gratitude (even when it’s easier to feel anger or sadness because your child’s behavior leaves you baffled) can help you feel better about yourself and your life.
3. Remember a time when you were at your best. One of the moms I worked with learned to ski at the age of 40. The obstacles she overcame (both in life and on the ski slope!) to learn this skill gave her a huge boost of self-confidence in all areas of her life. For me, it was deciding to quit teaching and become a parenting coach. I look back at that decision and immediately can tap into how much courage it took to leave a steady job (and a career I’d already been trained for) to follow my dreams. Since I’ve acted courageously before, I know I can do it again. Have one or two “peak moments” to remember. It’s only fair to remember when you were at your best, because we know how easy it is to remember yourself at your worst. When you feel better about yourself as a mother, you are calmer, more patient and more centered. If you slip and start ragging on yourself, you can quickly forgive yourself and move on. Then you can add “I forgave myself for not being perfect” to your gratitude list.
