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Archive for parenting style

3 Easy Ways To Feel Like A Better Mother

Posted by: Karen | Comments (3)
Friday, November 14th, 2008

I’m fond of saying that when moms feel better, they do better. In a previous post, I talked about how comparing yourself to other moms can leave you feeling awful. Yet, everywhere around you are examples of how to parent better. What should you pay attention to versus what should you ignore? Here are my tips for easy ways to feel like a better mother, without comparing yourself.

1. Know Thyself. As I’ve mentioned before, knowing your personality style and what makes you tick as a mother is very freeing. It helps you recognize your strengths, and leverage your weaknesses (and we’ve all got a combo of both!). A great resource for this is Janet Penley’s book, Motherstyles. Also, check out my podcast (in the right sidebar of my home page) I did with Janet where we talk about how every style of mom has both merits and challenges.

2. Keep a Gratitude List every day. Don’t call it a “gratitude journal” if that stresses you out. Think of it as a piece of paper next to your bed where you jot down what you’re thankful for that day. I’ve included things like, “I didn’t yell today” and “The color of the Fall leaves.” It’s amazing how feeling gratitude (even when it’s easier to feel anger or sadness because your child’s behavior leaves you baffled) can help you feel better about yourself and your life.

3. Remember a time when you were at your best. One of the moms I worked with learned to ski at the age of 40. The obstacles she overcame (both in life and on the ski slope!) to learn this skill gave her a huge boost of self-confidence in all areas of her life. For me, it was deciding to quit teaching and become a parenting coach. I look back at that decision and immediately can tap into how much courage it took to leave a steady job (and a career I’d already been trained for) to follow my dreams. Since I’ve acted courageously before, I know I can do it again. Have one or two “peak moments” to remember. It’s only fair to remember when you were at your best, because we know how easy it is to remember yourself at your worst. When you feel better about yourself as a mother, you are calmer, more patient and more centered. If you slip and start ragging on yourself, you can quickly forgive yourself and move on. Then you can add “I forgave myself for not being perfect” to your gratitude list.

Categories : Relationships Are First and Most Important
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Interview with Janet Penley: Using Personality Type to Make Parenting Easier

Posted by: Karen | Comments (0)
Thursday, November 6th, 2008

Listen in as I interview Janet P. Penley, author of MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths.

Every child is unique, but most parenting books neglect the fact that mothers are, too. MotherStyles explains the innate mind-sets that make up 16 distinct mothering approaches based on the Myers-Briggs® system of personality type.

Categories : Podcasts
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Feeling Guilty? Stop Comparing Yourself: Part I

Posted by: Karen | Comments (0)
Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

If you’re a mom who struggles with feeling “good enough” (and who among us hasn’t?), you may be prone to comparing yourself to other moms. Thanks to the beauty of the internet, moms can now compare themselves 24/7! Just the other day I was reading a blog post about a mom who is pregnant with her fourth child and yet who makes the time to do amazing art projects and organic cooking sessions with her children, all of whom are under the age of 6! The pictures on her blog show her smile radiating warmth, love–certainly not the stress and overwhelm I often feel.

   But..comparing yourself to other moms is like comparing apples to other types of fruit and wondering why they’re not the same. The comparison isn’t a fair one because there are too many factors that make moms unique. One of these is personality style. If you are an introverted mom who favors smaller, more intimate groups of people over large crowds, your preference has a lot to do with your personality style. The same is true if you are more extroverted and crave the excitement that being around a lot of people brings.

To further add to the mix, some of us are tend more towards using our “thinking” preferences and others of use our “feeling” ones. I tend to lead with my feelings, and my first concern when I make decisions is often how my children feel. If I compare myself to a mom whose style predisposes her to stand back and let her children work things out, it’s really a moot point. Both of us approach mothering from different viewpoints, different “lenses.” When I compare myself to another mom’s style and come up short, what I am really doing is making mothering harder. I’m not seeing what I bring to the table. Instead, I’m thinking about how I can be more like the mom to whom I am comparing myself.

   Are we willing to stop comparing ourselves? How about if we replace negative comparisons with better questions to ourselves. Questions like, “What qualities does that mom have that I’d like to develop more in myself?” “What do I already bring to the table that helps my children?” We have to be our own advocates. Knowing our personality style and its corresponding strengths helps us do that. THAT’S how we become more effective. Not by comparing. And certainly not by noticing how we come up short. Stay tuned for Part II, where I’ll talk about some resources to help you on this path.

Categories : Relationships Are First and Most Important
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