As promised, I’m back with the next post in the “How To Thrive (Not Just Survive) Summer” series. Having your kids home during the summer doesn’t have to mean chaos and stress, but it DOES mean you have to plan ahead. In the previous post, I asked you to get clear on where you are with this summertime issue. Do you dread hearing, “I’m bored?” Are you worried that your kids will argue and ask you to referee? If you work from home as I do, do you wonder how you’ll balance spending time with your kids and spending time on your business? On a more positive note, what do you really WANT to happen this summer? What kind of memories do you want to be sure to create? What skills would you like your child to learn? Make sure you’re clear on what you want and what you don’t want, and we’ll go on to the next step.
After you’re clear on what you’d like your summer to be like, it’s time to think about how you recharge your batteries. Are you an introvert? If so, you’ll need to plan on down time for a few minutes each day, without others around. Easier said than done, you say? Perhaps, but if you are willing to make it happen, I can help you with that. First, you absolutely have to know how to fill yourself back up when you’re on empty. Introverted moms cane easily become overwhelmed by being with their kids all day. It’s not that they don’t love them and want to be around them. It’s that their gas tank gets refilled by being alone.
If you a mom who’s extroverted, you get your gas tank filled up by being around others; interacting with other people energizes you. This doesn’t mean you don’t need time away from others (including your kids). It just means that, since you recharge being with people, it’s not quite as draining for you to be with your kids. It’s still important for you to be around adults, and not just kids. Of course, it’s a rare mom who’s purely one or the other. The important thing is just to ask yourself how you fill back up when you’re on empty. The long days of summer are prime blocks of time for you to use lots of energy with your kids. It’s essential to know how YOU get your energy back.
If you’re not sure how you refuel, check out my podcast with Janet Penley. We talked quite a bit about how introverts and extroverts refuel and take care of themselves. Janet’s book, MotherStyles, is also a fabulous resource for using personality style to capitalize on your mothering strengths.
Guilt Free Mom Coaching Action: Think back to what you’ve done to successfully take care of yourself. Was it alone or with others? Was it a little bit of both? Once you’re clear on that, commit to spending at least ten minutes each day refueling in a way that really works for your personality type. The little things really matter here, so don’t discount actions like waking up a few minutes earlier than your kids so you can sip coffee slowly and wake up peacefully. Maybe you’ll need to plan “mom time outs” and plan time in your room for a few minutes here and there. Or perhaps you’ll invite other moms over for conversation with adults. This step is the foundational piece because once you commit to refueling yourself daily, if even for a few minutes, you’re in a much better mental place to implement the other tips to come. If you’re stressed, it won’t matter what tips you try; they won’t work until you’re in a good place. So take good care of yourself!
Taking care of yourself has never really been optional, but that hasn’t stopped many moms from years past from feeling guilty about doing it. There’s a ton of speculation on why this is so, from the media’s portrayal of perfect moms (think “June Cleaver”) as self-less creatures with boundless energy despite no down-time, to the 24/7 nature of motherhood expanding to fill as much time as you let it.
When you’re stressed and you want to throw in the motherhood towel, it’s nice to know you’ve got friends you can call. After all, nobody knows motherhood like another mother, right? When your son divebombs off the couch and lands on that expensive vase from your mother-in-law (you didn’t like it anyway, did you?), and then your daughter has a meltdown of her own, other mom-friends can ease your pain.