You’ve heard the adage, “You are what you eat,” right? Well, what you think about is just as important. In any given moment, what are you thinking about? Maybe you’re dreading what your child’s going to do next. Perhaps you’re thinking about what’s for dinner. You might even be thinking about the tantrum your child had yesterday (and how you handled it). Chances are, you’re thinking about the past or the future.

Your thoughts determine your behavior. Right before I lost my temper with my strong-willed daughter yesterday, I can look back on what I was thinking: ”I am tired of all this noise! It’s stressing me out!” Rather than pay attention to what I needed in that moment (to ask my daughter to stop -playing the piano or to move myself to another part of the house), I ignored that thought. The result? Reaction-mode. Auto-pilot. I barked an order to my daughter, and then caught myself being surprised that she didn’t comply.

This morning, I found myself thinking about how much I dread the morning routine when I have to leave the house in the morning. Thinking about all that could go wrong, I started to feel cranky. I just knew my daughter would be cranky when she woke up. She was.  So was I. I was telling a friend about this, explaining that my thoughts have been sort of negative lately. She asked, “So are you blaming yourself for creating your own reality? Are you saying because you have less-than-pleasant thoughts about your children at times, that you are the cause of their behavior?”  I thought about it. “No. Yes, I mean, sort of,” I replied. What did I mean?

This is what I mean. Paying attention to our thoughts helps us tune into what we need so we can take care of ourselves Throughout the day, ask yourself, “What do I need in this moment?” When you feel stress, notice what you were just thinking about. Your thoughts help determine how you feel. How you feel shapes how you act. And how you act shapes how you feel. Simple, but not easy.