Maybe you’re not as weird as MY family (or maybe you won’t admit it! Ha!), but there’s something that we do in the Bierdeman house that helps us bond together and feel closer. No, it’s not game night (true mom confession: I HATE bored board games with a passion. Freud would have a field day with my childhood memories of board games and the trauma they caused!). It’s not taking family vacations together, though we do that on a semi-regular basis. Neither is it having a Family Night (we’ve done those off and on, and still do them sporadically).

No, what we do is waaaaaaay more mundane and idiosyncratic. My husband and I started doing it before we had kids, and then we just continued right along after the kids were born.  Ready for my silly little secret? It’s that we have our own language in our house. My husband would kill me if I divulged too much, like the silly names we call one another. However, you really don’t need to know the exact names to understand the power behind using them. Heck, my husband could call me “mashed potatoes” and it could have great meaning for me (unless he did it around PMS time–all bets are off then!).

It all started because my husband and I love words. We love playing with them, being silly with them, and just engaging in word games. Often we’d just reverse the first letters of two words, such as “gilly sirl” for “silly girl.” Sometimes we’d just call each other by completely weird names. One day, out of the blue, I started calling him “Frank.” Of course, he answered. Then this craziness extended to our pets. Our cat “Gabby” became a whole host of other names that have nothing to do with the original name!  Once our children came, do you think  we were about to stop? No way! And so each of our babies had a multitude of nicknames. Now, as a family, we often make up names for people, famous or not. It doesn’t really matter. We just have fun with it.

This secret language has become a sort of code, or shorthand, for communicating our closeness and bond with one another (it’s like by using a secret pet name you’re using language as a bar code to the heart, where connection is made). Instead of  just saying, “I love you and I’m glad you’re here” (which we still say outright to one another), we use our own language to create that closeness. The other day, my youngest daughter had a bad day at school. So, once she was home,  I called her by one of her many silly names, “Lucy,” and gave her a hug. Inherent in that nickname, which is nothing like her given name, by the way, was the unspoken message, “You’re here with someone who knows you and loves you. All is well.”  As she snuggled into my arms, she whispered, “Yep. I’m Lucy.” Sweet.

In the context our busy lives, where one thing after another seems to happen and need to be dealt with, we need ways to stay connected that are easy. Really, using our secret family language has become like a ritual to us. Rituals are very grounding and serve to connect us to ourselves, to one another, and to our Source. The cool thing is, they don’t have to cost you anything but a few seconds, and yet, the dividends are huge.

What are YOUR unique, idiosyncratic rituals in your family that serve to help you stay connected? I’d love to hear!