Handling Criticism – It’s not about you!
(Note: I’m jazzed that my colleague, Jo Della Penna, is guest blogging here at the GFM. I’m also
jazzed that her advice applies just as much to people criticizing your parenting as it does to your
business. Okay–one more thing I’m jazzed about—she references one of my all-time favorite
books!
-Karen
Handling Criticisim: It’s Not About You!
by Jo Della Penna
Receiving testimonials are wonderful, aren’t they? Someone
takes the time to praise you in writing so others will know how great
it is to work with you. I love getting testimonials! Not only is it a great
stroke to my ego, I shamelessly admit, but it is also a validation that I
continue to add value to my clients and positively impacting their lives.
However, the same is not true when we receive a complaint, right?
Hopefully this is something that occurs very rarely!How do you respond? How
do you handle criticism? A woman approached me after I spoke at a women’s
breakfast recently and asked me how she should respond to a negative letter
she had received. After a brief discussion, it was clear the person writing the
letter was not going to be pleased from the start. First, she complained about
the fees—after the services began. She continuously grumbled at every turn. And
then, she refused to pay part of the bill for added services.
Has something similar ever happen to you? How would you respond?
I shared with her the fact that you cannot have really, really good without
having really, really bad. It is what is referred to as The Law of Polarity.
Everything has its opposite. Up has down, in has out, big has small, etc.
So, you cannot have someone saying great things about you without
someone saying something bad. It is part of growing and evolving.
Miguel don Ruiz mentioned is his book, The Four Agreements, people do
not say or do things TO you, they say or do things FOR them.
That means that when someone praises or criticizes you, don’t take it
personally. It is not about you, it is about them—what they feel or think.
The only thing you are responsible for is to always do your best with what
you have and do what you are meant to do. How others react to what you
give is not in your control.
So, as you continue to go about your business and serving with your gifts
and talents, know that receiving criticism is part of the course.
Stay focused on the value you provide, do the best you can and pay more
attention to the praises than the criticism. It is not about you, so don’t take
it personally!
© 2009-2010 The Business Of You, Inc.
Award-Winning Entrepreneur, Coach, National Speaker and Author, Jo Della Penna publishes The
Business of You E-Zine with over 1,500+ subscribers. If you’re ready to jump-start your
business, make more money, and have more joy and excitement in your life, get your
FREE tips now at www.TheBusinessofYou.com.
Oh yes. It’s not about us. Taking this advice in all situations can change our lives. Miguel Ruiz reminds us that it’s not about us, and the Tao reminds us that the bad guy gives us a chance to (balance) the good guy, and practice our conscious leadership (OK, not a direct quote, but you get the idea. :-) ) It’s a teachable moment. Thanks for the reminder to live that guilt-free life.
Karen–
Isn’t it amazing how many areas of our lives we can practice conscious leadership? From parenting, to running a business, to just being human! So glad you stopped by the blog and shared your voice!
Karen
I’m “really” tired of people telling me “I take things to personally”. I have always been a sensitive person and it would be nice to be a little thicker skinned. It’s very hard for me to take criticism because it feels like a personal attack. I’m the peace keeper. The advice I read about makes since so I’ll read the book.
Hey, Julie—
I’m with you on being tired of hearing that you take things “too personally.” Gets old, doesn’t it? Sometimes it means that the person saying it is uncomfortable and doesn’t know what to say or do. I don’t think it’s unusual for people who are peacekeepers to be very sensitive; after all, they pick up on others’ emotions and often try to smooth things over. Being sensitive is a great trait; it doesn’t make life any easier to be sensitive, that’s for sure. But the world needs us sensitive people! We just need to learn how to take care of ourselves and use our sensitivity in healthy ways!
By the way, SO glad you stopped by the blog!
-Karen
Ahhh yes, the Law of Polarity. Very much a fact in this world of duality. However, I remind myself that nothing is either good or bad – it’s what we think about it that makes it so. That’s where “one man’s trash, another man’s treasure” comes from.
So, while I am the perfect fit for some folks looking to build or improve their web presence, I am also the REALLY WRONG choice for others. I try to keep this in mind when dealing with criticism: it’s all relative.
Hey, Suzanne–
So is it your understanding of the Law of Polarity that helps you not to take criticism personally? I know so many people who struggle with this–they just can’t seem to get past feeling the shame and blame. Just curious as to what enables a very feeling, intuitive person like you (and in that sense you are very much like the women I coach) to shake loose from criticism…Any other thoughts?
Glad you’re hangin’ at the GFM!
Karen
Julie:
From one sensitive person to another, I have learned that my sensitivity makes me gifted and excellent at what I do. While we feel things deeply, it is a blessing to the people we serve.
The book is awesome to get perspective around how to relate to others (especially difficult ones) without getting beat up in the process.
Thank you for sharing!
♥Jo
Suzanne,
Absolutely, it is not the circumstance itself that makes us feel bad or good, it is what we THINK about it that makes it so.
That is what I love about Mr. Ruiz’s book. He talks about if someone was to criticize us and it upset us, then there is a part of our thinking that believes that it could be true. Quite an eye opener if you really think about it. Right?
Learning that the criticism (or praise) is not about YOU and about how the other person thinks and feels, allows us to honor the other person’s opinion respectively.
Great comment, Suzanne!
♥Jo
Karen,
Fabulous!
Yes, to live a guilt-free life requires us to separate ourselves from the opinions and expectations of others.
Here’s to “Guilt-FREE” living! ;-)
♥Jo
This couldn’t be better timing for me, Karen & Jo Della. I’ve been having so much anxiety about a client who paid for services, received one coaching call, and will not schedule further nor will she reply to any of my email messages or phone calls. It’s really perplexing for me and makes me feel awful. She lives locally so it isn’t something I’ve been able to let go of because I know we will be seeing one another. Yesterday I actually saw her in her car and I waved and she enthusiastically and warmly waved back! You’re absolutely right! This has nothing to do with me!! Hallelujah!