Ever wonder what you did to be “blessed” with a spirited, strong-willed child? Amidst your ponderings, did you ever think, “What would life be like if I didn’t have to deal with these discipline issues day to day?” I have. And I bet you have too, at least once. Almost every mom I’ve ever worked with has revealed in a guilty whisper, “I wish I didn’t feel this way–you know, like it’s not fair that I have to be the one with a strong-willed child. Do good moms feel this way?” How about a different question–”Is there any mom who hasn’t wished for mothering to be easier?”
Sometimes the questions we ask ourselves (as well as the answers) have a lot to do with how we feel. If you ask yourself, “Why do I suck as a mom?” your brain will be sure to answer you. Instantly, reasons why you aren’t good enough will flood your mind. And then how will you feel? What if, for just one day, you were willing to accept your feelings for what they are? Okay–so your child threw a major, ear-splitting tantrum and you wished you were anywhere but there. You felt angry and frustrated with your child’s behavior. You’d be a member of a pretty big club, if that’s the case (so if misery loves company, you’ve got lots of it!)! But don’t add to the stress by asking yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why can’t I be like other mothers and handle this better?”
Never understimate the power of a good question. It can make all the difference in how you feel. You don’t know what is going on in those other mother’s heads. Chances are, they are beating themselves up, too. Just for today, pay attention to the negative inquisition in your head. Then, be willing to ask yourself a different, more empowering question: one whose answer doesn’t invite you to feel guilty.
I am glad to have read this article. It has brought me to tears with my exact fellings of guilt. Why me I ask myself everyday. It is time tostop asking that same dreaded question.
You’re certainly not alone in your feelings of guilt, that’s for sure. As moms, we all fall short of whatever “ideal mom” image is floating around in our heads. Thanks for your comment!
Karen