I remember back in the ’90s there was a hilarious comedy routine that Jeff Foxworthy did called, “You might be a redneck if…”He’d drawl, “You might be a redneck if you mow your grass and find five cars” or “You might be a redneck if you think the stock market has a fence around it.” I started thinking that it’d be great to use this same humorous “You might be a….” formula and apply it to guilt-ridden moms. Not that mother guilt is anything to laugh about. But then again, looking at the lighter side of an issue and laughing can help me feel less weird about it. So maybe it will help you! , Here are a few of my “You Might Be A Guilt-Ridden Mom If” statements. See if you can relate to any of them. And please add your own–I’d love to hear from you!

You Might Be A Guilt-Ridden Mom If…………..

• your idea of self-care is checking e-mail or
• you feel bad that you don’t enjoy playing with Legos, Barbies, etc. with your child (guilty secret: I hate bored, oops, I mean board games).
• you compare yourself to the moms you know who are the most fit, the most calm (or so it seems), the most “anything” and come up short.
• you read parenting books for support and then beat yourself up for not being able to use the ideas in the book “perfectly.”
• your friend tells you that she puts pureed beans and spinach in her child’s food to boost the nutrition, and you immediately think of the Twinkies your child had at snack (and feel horrible). Okay. So maybe your child doesn’t eat Twinkies. Maybe it was just that none of the food you serve has puree hidden in it. And you feel bad.
• you wonder if you’re ever going to be patient “enough,” loving “enough,” basically just “enough” of a “good” mother to your child.
• you think about saving for your child’s college fund AND therapy fund.
• you have a picture in your head of how you think you’re supposed to be as  mom and feel awful that your life doesn’t match the picture.
• your child’s teacher tells you that she is having problems with aggression at school, and you immediately think, “OMG, that’s because I let her watch that show on TV. I’m such a bad mom….”
• you are afraid that you’re one of the only moms that loves her child and yet doesn’t love several aspects of motherhood.

Can you relate to any? What would you add?